Dear Northwestern Fan

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 25, 2008 1:42 PM CST Comment 133 comments

[Bumped. Northwestern may as well petition to get into Super Bowl XVI.--OPS]

Quit being foolish. Your team is not going to the Outback Bowl. And to be perfectly honest, if I was the Alamo Bowl I would take Wisconsin before NU. Then if I was the Champs Sports Bowl I would be super pissed that I got stuck with Northwestern.

In fact, if there was a Ditka Bowl presented by Rosario's Italian Sausage and it was played ON YOUR HOME FIELD, there's a decent chance that your team would not get invited.

And listen, it's not even so much your team. They did what they needed to do in order to put themselves in this position. Congrats to them. They may be the worst 9-3 team in the nation/history of football, but by god they're 9-3. High fives all around.

The inherent problem is that you're smart. Maybe too smart. You KNOW that they're the worst 9-3 team in the nation/history of football and you KNOW that no matter what bowl game they are gifted that you are not going to it. In fact, you probably won't even bother to watch it on tv. Sure you'll be on winter break, but that's the best time to get a head start on the reading for your Biomedical Engineering classes next semester.

I don't need to tell you this, do I? You're smarter than me. You probably know all of this. I just want to get it out in the open so that when your team gets jumped for a bowl, you're not surprised and you don't complain.

You're not going to be all that upset anyway, are you? If you're really fired up about it you might write a well-versed and grammatically-correct letter with a number of bullet points to the selection committees, but I think that will be good for you. Therapeutic even. Just don't mention things like "attendance" and "quality wins" because that would be counterproductive to your argument.

Christ, listen to me......trying to tell you how to write a letter. Ridiculous. You know how.

Actually, you might be able to make the argument that the game against Iowa was a quality win, since technically your team WAS on the field when Iowa beat themselves, but I wouldn't push your luck......you have too many empty seats for that.

Sincerely,

HFMR

PS - In case you're wondering that last picture isn't a scrimmage or band practice or something like that. It's an actual photo of Ryan Field during a football game.

2 recs | Comment 133 comments

Story-email Email Printer Print

Comments

One more thing

LTP can yelp about Northwestern’s record and head-to-head victory against Iowa all they want, but attempting to use off-season arrests as leverage for a bowl game is fucking bullshit and totally weak and they know it.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 25, 2008 11:18 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Arrests

Token Northwestern fan here – yeah, LTP shouldn’t have gone there. It’s just not relevant to the conversation. A few of us have suggested as much.

Otherwise, he has to make the best possible case for us to get to the Outback, or otherwise the best possible bowl. He did his best to sell it.

If bowl attendance and the economic ramifications of that is the sole criteria, then I’ll stipulate that we don’t have a chance. And truth be told, I think we’re probably tilting at windmills here. After all, didn’t the Outback once pick Iowa over Michigan in a similar situation (or was that Wisky – I forget)?

by RotoJeff on Nov 25, 2008 10:39 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

The Outback took Iowa over Michigan in 2005

They had identical records and Michigan beat Iowa head-to-head, so it wasn’t that much of jump…….but it was Michigan.

And I know that NW isn’t going to get jumped by Wisconsin, I was just thinking about it from a financial standpoint……

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 26, 2008 8:56 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Thanks for the clarification.

I’m not really worried about Wisky jumping us this time, given their performance last week.

In a way, I’m more concerned about winning the damn game than which game we go to, anyhow. Which means I want to avoid the Alamo at all costs.

Anyhow, good luck in whichever bowl you land in – if it’s in Florida, please beat the damn SEC team you face.

by RotoJeff on Nov 26, 2008 10:41 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

LTP is pushing Fitzgerald as reason to invite NU to the Outback. That’ll draw viewers. LTP is now worried the Shonn Greene factor is a problem for them — Doak finalist, unlikely, but maybe Heisman invite to NYC — not to mention their notable all conference results.

by txhawkeye on Nov 25, 2008 11:41 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Wisconsin can’t go ahead of NW, as far as I know – the two-game gap in the records prevents that. (I have heard that there are circumstances that remove that restriction, but I don’t know what they are.) Besides, we’re talking about a team that lost to Michigan and would likely have lost to Cal Poly if not for two regulation missed PATs (to say nothing of the third one in OT which resulted in the win). This is a Wisconsin team that isn’t anywhere near the caliber of Northwestern.

by SpartanDan on Nov 25, 2008 2:06 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

If 2 Big Ten teams get into the BCS, then the two-game gap rule is nullified

I borrowed the following quote from WNUR Sports – Your home for Northwestern Wildcat Athletics.

As originally reported by Adam Rittenberg of ESPN.com and confirmed by the Big Ten, if the Big Ten has two teams selected to BCS bowls, both the Outback and Alamo bowls have no restrictions on which teams they select. Those bowls could take a 7-5 or 6-6 team over an 8-4 squad, as long as the 8-4 squad still falls to a Big Ten-affiliated bowl. The Capital One and Champs Sports bowls are the only bowls that have to play by the rules, which allow them to select any eligible team except one that has two fewer wins or two more losses than another eligible team. This means, if two Big Ten teams make it to the BCS, the landscape is wide open. Although it seems highly unlikely, NU still could end up in the Motor City Bowl in Detroit. (bold mine)

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 25, 2008 2:59 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

attendance

HFMR, I think you pushed the attendance factor a little too hard. So what if we sell out Kinnick every game. They were able to get ALMOST TWENTY EIGHT THOUSAND people to come to their games!! That’s good for Top 10, I mean Top 20, err, Top 50, ummm, Top 80 in the nation!

by everloyal on Nov 25, 2008 2:23 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

LTP's crazy

No disrespect, but in the plan he’s selling, NW would have to settle AT BEST for breaking even financially on the deal (the University guaranteeing that all tix will be sold.)

That seems like a non-starter for the University, especially in this economic climate (and endowments earning less and less). Despite how we fans like to think, I believe the actual point of a bowl game ON ALL SIDES, is to MAKE money.

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Nov 25, 2008 5:34 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Quick question ....

Does anyone know if fall semester classes must be passed in order to be eligible for a bowl? Not that I’m worried or anything, but I would prefer not to have to contemplate Mr. Greene’s academic performance for the remainder of the semester determining his eligiblity for Iowa’s remaining game.

by txhawkeye on Nov 26, 2008 11:19 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Yes they do, but

I believe the only requirement is that they pass at least 6 hours worth of class. And based on KF’s extremely positive comments regarding Greene’s academic performance, it doesn’t seem like its going to be an issue.

by three and out the kok story on Nov 26, 2008 11:24 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I will use a Lord Ferentz quote to add to this

“No, I didn’t think about that. I didn’t think about our plane crashing the other day, either. That could have happened. I try to avoid topics like that. I have enough things that are bringing me down.”

by Duez I say on Nov 26, 2008 11:25 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Cannot imagine it is much of an issue.

Per the SMU Athletic Forum:

The prestigious Doak Walker Award was created in 1989 to recognize the nation’s premier running back for his accomplishments on the field, achievement in the classroom and citizenship in the community. It is the only major collegiate football award that requires all candidates to be in good academic standing and on schedule to graduate within one year of other students of the same classification.

If he has made this far, he must be in good standing. Right?

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Nov 27, 2008 9:22 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I would guess

that given his history, the coaching staff is keeping a very close eye on his academics, and would make sure that he gets whatever help he needs.

by chitownhawkeye on Nov 28, 2008 8:45 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Dear Iowa Fan

I would be willing to wager that NU has a lot more alums in Florida than Iowa does. In fact, I did some research on just this subject.

NU’s alumni clubs in Florida:
NU Club of Central Florida – 1,100 alums
NU Club of Naples – 228 alums
NU Club of Tampa – 900 alums
NU Club of Southeast Florida – 2,600 alums
NU Club of Greater Sarasota – 225 alums
TOTAL: 5053 ACTIVE ALUMNI

Those are ACTIVE alums. They are members of the alumni clubs and will almost certainly go to a bowl game. Could you guys sell out 1/3 of your allotment on just Floridalums?

by pummer on Nov 30, 2008 5:24 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

MY GOD THAT'S SO MANY ACTIVE ALUMNI

AND IT’S ALSO A NON-SEQUITUR!

From the Trib:

At the 1996 Rose Bowl, more than 40,000 Northwestern fans attended, according to the school. About 21,000 Wildcats fans attended the Citrus Bowl the following season. The 2000 Alamo Bowl brought about 12,000 Northwestern fans and the Motor City Bowl in 2003 brought about 7,500. At the Sun Bowl in 2005, about 13,000 to 15,000 Wildcats fans attended.

[…]

In Iowa’s last five bowls, the Hawkeyes were out in force, according to figures from the school. In the 2003 Orange Bowl, 50,000 Iowa fans attended; 20,000 went to the 2004 Outback; 30,000 attended the 2005 Capital One; 20,000 went to the 2006 Outback; and 15,000 showed for the Alamo two seasons ago.

Iowa has a better record of bringing 25-50% more fans to bowl games, and we’ve also won one in the last 59 years instead of getting shitstomped over and over. Sorry, but facts matter, and JNU will be getting crushed by Missouri in San Antonio instead.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Nov 30, 2008 7:21 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Alumni is only one side of the story

What about the other fans? Kirkwood graduates, Cedar Rapids residents? Or any Iowa native who went to ISU for the education but are Hawkeyes through and through? Or the lovable fuckups who never got into Iowa who still bar tend at Chili’s? All those people count, too. It’s called passion, and these fans spend more money and are more into it than any of your fancy pants alumni.

by Duez I say on Nov 30, 2008 9:56 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Newsflash Pummer

We don’t need to fucking live there to outspend you smug bastards. Let’s assume 2/3 of those active alumni buy tickets (3362), and we add to it the twelve other fans that will show up (3362+12), and you are still a good BAZILLION short of selling your allotment.

I’m guessing that you won’t be booking a ticket either way, pummer.

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Nov 30, 2008 5:44 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

why wouldn't I book a ticket?

I wouldn’t miss my 8th game of the year for the world.

by pummer on Nov 30, 2008 6:37 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

It's not the number of alums in Florida that matters, it's past history.

Iowa has always travelled well to bowl games, high- and low-tier.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Nov 30, 2008 7:02 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Keep dreaming, Just Northwestern

The fact is the Outback Bowl passed up Michigan for us in 2005. They’re sure as fuck passing on your quaint little private school and its pathetic little attendance figures at Kinnick East. Maybe next time you should BEAT FUCKING INDIANA.

I hate to have to put it so bluntly, but someone has to do it.

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Hawkeye State on Nov 30, 2008 7:05 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

God I hate you with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns

Sweet Jesus you’re a douche canoe. Why must you irrationally hate on Northwestern? Why do you find it so validating to flex your state-school muscles at every opportunity?

You are the Big Ten’s fat lonely drunkard. Sure, sometimes you get beer muscles after one too many Milwaukee’s Best and you try to start a fight with the short guy down the bar from you (the one with the hot girlfriend and Armani suit) but in the end, we all know who’s the winner in life.

Just like how here, in this case, we all know who the better football team is.

It’s the one with only three losses to Iowa’s four. It’s the one that handily beat a doormat Illinois team (you know, the one that showed OPS “”http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2008/11/5/653259/the-takeaway-illinois" >the Iowa program has real, fatal trouble in close games").

It’s the one that’s ranked in the BCS, AP, USA Today, ESPNU, Harris, and Legends rankings (HINT: Iowa’s ranked in none of those).

It’s the small private school, the one with 8,000 students. The one that spent $11 million on football in 2006 compared to Iowa’s $29 million. The one whose football program has a top-5 average SAT score in D I-A.

It’s the one that came into Kinnick ("West") and took five balls away from you and knocked your overrated under-literate running back out of the game, exposing your horrible quarterback play for what it is.

Sure hope we didn’t hurt your boys.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 1:30 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Alternate post title: "pummer gets drunk, whiny"

Just like how here, in this case, we all know who the better football team is.

Yes of course. Iowa.

Look, you and I both know that had Northwestern and Iowa switched non-conference slates, the Cats would have ended up 3-1 at best while Iowa would have breezed through all four complete and total cupcakes. Iowa would be the 9-win team, and Northwestern would be looking at the Iowa win as what it actually was: a bigger upset than Iowa-PSU.

JNU fan complaints like yours mirror Texas fans’ “b-b-but 45-35!” childishness because you both are fighting against a larger reality that opposes you, and not-so-deep-down, you know it. You know Iowa’s a better, more attractive bowl team, and trying to compare us to some “lonely drunk” to your “short guy with an Armani suit and hot girlfriend” when you’re about to end up jilted again on account of lackluster fan involvement, smacks of insecurity and projection.

But it happens. It’s what little brothers like Just Northwestern do. It’s okay, we have many little brothers. You can go stand over there with Minnesota, Illinois, and Iowa State fans and bitch and moan about the “Squawks” all day long. Iowa will just take care of our grown man business and head to the NYD Bowl instead.

Eventually, you’ll come to accept this second-class role as a fan of a second-class (at best) program, and you’ll be able to confidently, securely recite this phrase, one that will keep you sane and grounded for the rest of your days: “It’s okay that the bowl committee passed on us. We’re just Northwestern.”

Peace, little brother.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 5:12 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

God, even you're deluded

Yes, I’m sure Northwestern would’ve lost to a Pitt team that’s now behind us in almost every poll imaginable.

I wish NU had played a “tough” non-conference slate, one with the likes of Maine and Florida International. Then we would have really seen how good we are.

Must be hard to know that a “second-class (at best) program” has taken three out of four from you.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 9:54 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Pittsburgh would wreck Northwestern's shit.

No doubt about that. You can “b-b-b-but polls” all you like, but I watched both games, and Pitt is miles ahead of Just Northwestern.

Will you still sanctify polls after Iowa ends the season ranked, but NU’s knocked out of them following the December shitstomping Missouri or Texas Tech hands out?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 10:00 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Not so fast...

…freaking Baylor almost beat Mizzou and Tech. Baylor would beat JNWU by 20.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 1, 2008 12:16 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I hope I never own an Armani suit

I would much rather spend that money on going to a bowl game

by Duez I say on Dec 1, 2008 7:21 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

some of us

can afford both

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 9:55 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

One of the two things is worth spending money on

The other is not. I’d leave it to you to figure out which is which, but you’d probably get it wrong.

by SpartanDan on Dec 3, 2008 8:48 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Whoa

huge e-penis

by psuphiman80 on Dec 3, 2008 8:54 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

He also

drives a sweet, cherry-red, e-Corvette. But he’s not compensating for anything, no definitely not.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Dec 3, 2008 10:31 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

While popping his collar

by txhawkeye on Dec 4, 2008 7:50 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

My e-jet

laughs at his e-vette

by psuphiman80 on Dec 4, 2008 4:20 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Short guy?

What the fuck? Their SAT scores are why they’re getting invited? That’s whay they’ll show on tv — it’ll be a test score competition.

by txhawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 7:51 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

“what” they’ll show on tv — I’m a retard

by txhawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 9:44 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

That would sure be better publicity

than Iowa’s been getting lately. At least our fans can get laid without drugging middle-aged housewives.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 10:20 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

That's

… consensual middle aged housewives to you, mofo.

by txhawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 11:04 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Yeah but . . .

The Armani guy’s hot girlfriend (I mean bowl game) is about to leave him for “the fat lonely drunkard”. I think I’d like to be that drunkard.

Columbus Hawkeye - Not letting his superlatives run away with him since 1983

by ColumbusHawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 8:33 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Let's get back to reality here

OPS is right, of course, and I don’t need a copy of his SAT scores to know it (though I have seen them, and they are magnificent).

But the fact remains that Just Northwestern wouldn’t be in this spot if it hadn’t screwed the pooch against the worst team in the conference. When you lose to Indiana, you have no right to complain about bowl placement.

In fact, to follow your logic, I demand Just Northwestern hand over its berth in the Champs Sports Bowl to Indiana. This was settled on the field, and there’s no doubt who the better team was. They took the ball away from you five times and knocked your overrated under-literate running back out of the game, exposing your horrible quarterback play for what it is.

Ooh. You see what I did there? I drank your milkshake!

Next time you strap on your Armani suit, be sure to pack a little logic. You know where you can find me. I’ll be the one back by the bathrooms screwing your wife.

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Hawkeye State on Dec 1, 2008 9:44 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

But, you see,

NU beat you, AND NU has a better record than you.

And that’s where your so-called logic falls apart.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 10:16 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Thats JNU

by Duez I say on Dec 1, 2008 10:19 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

But Indiana beat JNU

And we beat Indiana. It’s called the transitive property, and if you follow it to its conclusion, Indiana deserves a Rose Bowl berth (Indiana > JNU > Iowa > PSU). It’s the same thing that makes the ACC a clusterfuck.

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Hawkeye State on Dec 1, 2008 10:43 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I don't have to resort to the transitive property

because we beat you 22-17 in Kinnick.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 10:45 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I don't think anyone's questioning that

Again, hell of an upset, one you don’t see every year, especially for the kid’s table portion of the Big Ten.

But you’re still just a Little Brother, and Little Brothers get passed up.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 10:49 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

it's sort of ironic that

as fans of the second-smallest school in the 11-team Big Ten, you’re hating on NU for being a “Little Brother.”

Welcome to how everyone else feels about you.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 10:57 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

"Welcome to how everyone else feels about you."

Right, and Duke’s small enrollment makes everyone in the ACC think they’re “just Duke.”

Keep twisting, son. Nothing changes the fact that JNWU is just another little brother to Iowa, just like Minnesota, Iowa State, and Illinois. Wisconsin’s cool though. At least they don’t base their whole year on how they did against Iowa.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 11:00 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

We don't base our year on the Iowa game

We base it on 9 wins.

That’s one more than you guys have.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 11:15 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Mount Union has more wins than Iowa too

Not sure what that proves, other than the fact that their schedule is cake.

Look, you’ve gotten what you were looking for, in that we Iowa fans are actively acknowledging that JNWU pulled off a major shocker and actually beat Iowa, a NYD bowl team. I’m not sure what more we can do for you, Little Brother.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 11:27 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Yes you did

and that’s why Indiana deserves your bowl bid.

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Hawkeye State on Dec 1, 2008 10:53 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

It certainly was a monumental upset

I would even go so far as to call it JNU’s biggest win of the last 5 years. So sure, someone like you might gloat.

And in that sense, I can understand why you can’t let it go and why you let it skew your view of reality. Maybe you’ll get snapped back into sense when you’re in San Antonio later this month.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 10:47 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Um, Oops?

That’s JNWU. Please.

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Hawkeye State on Dec 1, 2008 10:53 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Nah, I think our biggest win of the last five years

was when we beat Ohio State in 2004. It’s not really a “monumental upset” when it’s happened 3 out of the last 4 years, is it?

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 10:55 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

It is when it's Just Northwestern.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 10:56 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

How'd that work out this year?

Let’s look differently — same Big XI record. Iowa Big XI losses to MSU (away), JNU (home) and at Illini. Despite themselves, MSU and JNU ranked, Illini inexcusable. JNU losses to MSU (home), at Indiana (bwahahaha) and Ohio State (45-10, at home, dozens of NU fans sprinkled among tOSU fans, ending with, fuck you, love sweatervest.). (Here’s a clue — we’re running on the last play, you might want to tackle.)

Bbbbbbut, we’ll draw really well, promise, we get upwards of 10,000 fans at home games, we haven’t won a bowl game in 50 years, our fan base in Florida will honestly attend, they’ll drive in that morning. And, and, the Chicago media will cover us, unless the Bears are still playing, ND has done something interesting, or Derrick Rose demands a trade. Please, please pick us.

by txhawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 11:00 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Also

Ohio State went to the Alamo Bowl that year. Iowa’s going to a New Year’s Day bowl. I think this is a much, much bigger upset.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 11:02 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

But, but...

we beat Illinois.

/Northwestern fan

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Nov 30, 2008 11:02 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

From Northwestern's AD

Northwestern athletic director Jim Phillips hopes bowl representatives look past the school’s poor home attendance and recognize a good history of traveling to bowl games, Shannon Ryan writes in the Chicago Tribune.

“The biggest challenge we have is our home attendance record,” Phillips said. “They look at numbers. It’s about selling tickets and people spending money. But [we’re saying,] ‘Look at how we’ve traveled over the last five bowls, where Northwestern has done a great job of over-delivering.’”

by txhawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 11:21 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Make a wager with Lake The Posts

All of this JNWU vs. Iowa slap-fighting is fun and silly, for now.

The real bragging rights will be following the bowl game. Blog of the winning team gets to make a guest post?

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 1, 2008 12:01 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Wow, great bet...

…but what would the terms be? Under Hawkeye logic, if Northwestern wins its bowl and Iowa loses, Iowa wins the bet because their fans “really showed up” at the game, as far as I can tell.

Hawkeye fans also think the British won the Revolutionary War despite losing to the Americans at Yorktown, because their were more people in Britain and they “travelled well” across the Atlantic for the war.

That’s right, I said it — Hawkeye fans are Un-American. If Iowa goes to the Outback Bowl over Northwestern, we might as well surrender to the Limey bastards and start drinking tea….

by Chadnudj on Dec 1, 2008 5:32 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

More slap-fighting? OK, I'll bite.

It’s not that Iowa fans are “whining” that they should or deserve to go to a better bowl. You see, slap fight all you want about records and head-to-head wins and strength of schedule – it doesn’t effing matter. Iowa fans don’t need to come up with some Sagarin-style statistic to support their argument that Iowa will play in the Outback.

Because Bowls exist to make money, and selecting Iowa makes them a shit-ton of it. End of discussion.

Bowls don’t give a shit about on the field statistics or rankings. Honestly, I’m on the fence about how I feel about this, but until there’s a playoff it’s something we’ll all have to learn to live with. Life ain’t fair. But as a Hawk fan I’m not gonna complain one bit about a January 1st bowl and the shit-kicking LSU or So. Carolina will get from the Hawkeyes.

Maybe it’s an annual bit of karmic payback for having to endure all of the ignorant redneck jokes thrown our way the rest of the year?

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 1, 2008 5:53 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Exactly.

It isn’t fair. And I’m not sure I really care for it all that much either. But it’s not my team that has the comparitively crappy fan support (in the eyes of the bowl reps and advertisers, anyway). But like YCPYEII said, it’s all about the Benjamins. And yes, that sucks, because it takes away from the beauty of the sport’s purity (or purityishness, anyway). I would love for it to be like March Madness, where teams have to earn their way in, and from there on, it’s may the best team win. But it’s not like that. So at the end of the day, if/when (J)NU gets passed over in favor of a team it beat, you really have no one to blame except your fellow fans.

And if (J)NU actually is selected over Iowa? You know what? You’ll have the whole of Hawkeye Nation cheering loudly, proudly and sincerely for you to fuckstomp whichever team you face, because that’s how we roll, and because your name doesn’t rhyme with “Brillinois” or “Blyowa Blate” or “Winneschmota.”

Go to the Alamo/Insight/Champs/whatever bowl, spend as much money as you can (maybe skip buying that new Armani this month), and get as many alumni and non-alumni fans (ha! j/k) as you can to do the same. EARN your “our fans travel well” reputation, and stupid shit like this won’t have to happen anymore.

Go Hawks. Go ’Cats. Go Sparty. Etcetera.

Oh – and the whole karmic payback thing? Um, yeah – probably pretty on-point. You’d think a school whose alumni, students and fans have to put up with similar asinine, weak-sauce, unfunny and less-than-clever jokes at their expense would undersand that notion.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 1, 2008 6:29 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Un-American? Please.

What’s more American than hailing the Almighty Dollar? C.R.E.A.M. You can take that Northwestern affirmative action socialism somewhere else.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 1, 2008 6:51 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Chad, life is totally unfair.

See 2000, Election of.

I live in Texas and the wailing here over the fact that OU was ranked over UT is deafening. ‘Whorns fans keep repeating “45-35 Neutral Site! 45-35 Neutral Site!” over and over but doesn’t change the fact that the system looks at the so-called Big Picture and not just head-to-head results (something that UT fans fall curiously silent about when you mention their loss to Tech, the other co-champion of the B12South). The Big Picture looks at the entire season, not just one Saturday in October. It looks at strength of schedule, trends, margins of victory, who travels better and whose team would create a more attractive contest. The fact that Iowa would vastly outdraw JNWU in any bowl game, finished their schedule strong and beat Penn State makes them an overall better draw. That and Iowa would kick the crap out of Mike Greenberg U if the game were replayed today.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 1, 2008 7:09 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

"Iowa would kick the crap out of Mike Greenberg U if the game were replayed today."

When did you guys get a quarterback that doesn’t suck? When did you get an offensive coordinator that actually knows what he’s doing?

I like how, to you guys, beating Penn State (who you were 8-point dogs to) somehow isn’t a fluke, but us beating you (who we were 8-point dogs to) is a complete and utter fluke.

Take off your ~~piss-yellow-colored~~ gold-colored glasses and see the results on the field for what they are: the closest thing we have to empirical proof that one team is better than another any given Saturday.

by pummer on Dec 1, 2008 7:20 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

So.... Rose Bowl here we come?

by Bucketochicken on Dec 1, 2008 7:29 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Son...

…bowl selection committees take the schools they think will draw the most fans and provide the most exciting and lucrative matchup, not who won one game back in October. Just like employers hire the candidate who they think will do the best job, not who had the higher GPA.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 1, 2008 7:31 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Um, pusser, you’re arguing about the wrong thing. This is a b-o-w-l game, not a playoff. The bowl reps will issue their invitation to teams that spend the most pesos on site. This ain’t no stinking BCS and the rules allow them to invite who they want. Tampa Tribune story:

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/dec/01/expect-south-carolina-face-iowa-outback/

So if you argue results, don’t ignore JNU’s epic fail to Indiana, just as no one here is ignoring Iowa’s loss to JNU. Yes, Iowa lost. Yes, Iowa has a better quality win than JNU, unless you’re arguing Iowa is first in the Big XI making JNU’s win over Iowa magically superior to Iowa’s win over PSU. Face your tOSU loss, in Chicago (home’s a stretch as tOSU > JNU fans that day) for the beatdown it was. Beat #1 or #2 Big XI, without going back to 2004, and then ask for your blow job.

by txhawkeye on Dec 1, 2008 8:08 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Yes, actually

The QB has improved a great deal as the season went on, and I’m going to bet that Iowa wouldn’t fumble the ball 4 times again, because shit like that just doesn’t happen often. I’m also going to bet that Shonn Greene wouldn’t get knocked unconscious by a blatant helmet to helmet hit this time and miss almost the entire fourth quarter. He’d spend that quarter running all over you, just like he did all game before that. If he wasn’t out, Iowa probably would have been running near the goal line on the final drive, and there’s a decent chance he would have scored.

Iowa did everything in they’re power to hand you the game, and you still barely won. Since then, the Iowa team has improved drastically and shown that they finally know how to close out close games. Meanwhile, Just Northwestern went on to do shit like lose to Indiana and barely beat Minnesota. You’re goddamned right we’d kick the shit out of you if we played again.

Now, all that arguing aside, everyone else is right. What happened in that game doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Iowa’s still getting picked over you because you have no fans. It sucks, but you should probably get used to it until you prove you can actual draw a crowd to a home game.

by NorseHawk on Dec 1, 2008 8:09 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I'm so tired

Of Pummer coming on here and rustling feathers. Does it even matter what he thinks? I don’t think so. But since he’s getting on my nerves, I’ll weigh in too.

1. Get off your high horse, you smug and pompous ass. A degree from Northwestern doesn’t mean dick when you’re a complete and utter cockface. Trust me: I know plenty that graduated from St. Thomas in Minneapolis (one of the most-endowed business schools in the Midwest, including your precious Northwestern), and they can’t find jobs because nobody likes them. Meanwhile, those of us who “slummed” at Iowa can find jobs because we’re not fucktards. So deal with that.

2. We aren’t the ones whining. You little bitches are. You’re whining all about how you’re going to get jumped for the Outback Bowl, because deep down, you know that you don’t hold a candle to Hawkeye Nation. This, actually, is what this whole deal is about. Your identity is so tied up in being a Northwestern Grad, where your degree is everything, that when a team with tradition, loyal fans, and the ability to drink, comes to play, you have no ammo other than a head-to-head win and some Armani suits. We’re the ones whining? Please — every Saturday, when black and gold covers Eastern Iowa, and 80,000 strong can look at their brothers and sisters at a football game, we know why we’re going to bowls and you’re not. We know that when bowls look at us, they see dollar signs. They may look at your boosters and see dollar signs, but that doesn’t get tickets sold, it doesn’t get beer purchased, and it doesn’t get hotels filled up. We are Hawkeye Nation. You’re a bunch of faggots in purple pants. Fucking deal with it.

3. A head-to-head win has absolutely nothing to do with this equation. This is not a BCS game. This is not a fair system, as far as wins and losses go. You won. Congrats. Now go away.

4. Last point. You keep hammering on your victory over Iowa. Is that your best win of the season? Let’s check. Holy shit, it is. In fact, it’s far and away your best win. Hell, beating Iowa is the only win you had against a team with a pulse at the end of the season (don’t say Minnesota; refer to their last home game and see if you can make that same argument with a straight face). So if that’s your best win, and we’re so terrible, then what does that say about your shitty little team? Not much, does it?

Moreover, Iowa can say that we beat the #3 team in the country, another bowl team, and our losses came against 3 teams currently in the top 25, by a combined 9 points. The fourth loss came by another 3. Your losses, however, came by a combined 54 points.

In conclusion, I would suggest that you worry about who goes to what bowl after they’ve been picked. Sure, Iowa is likely to get picked over Northwestern for the Outback. There’s more tradition, more fans, more money for the local economy, and more fun associated with the Hawkeyes. While I’m sure your Armani suits just ooze football and beer, methinks the black and gold striped overalls are a little more convincing. Just a thought.

Oh, and I’m an Iowa grad and an attorney. I don’t have the pedigree that you pretty boys have, but I’m doing pretty damned well. And I’d rather have my Hawkeye brothers and sisters beside me at every game than your douche-rocket Armani suits.

(and the homophobic slur above was a slip; won’t happen again)

by imadirtyoldman on Dec 2, 2008 8:34 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

QBs that don't suck...

PLAYER TEAM QB Rating Att Comp Pct Yds Y/A Y/G TD Int Int% Long
Stanzi, Ricky IOWA 135.3 235 137 58.3 1809 7.7 150.8 13 7 2.98 59
Bacher, C.J. NU 113.7 365 218 59.7 2128 5.8 212.8 14 14 3.84 53

Huh. Looks pretty even to me…

http://www.bigtennetwork.com/sports/football/FBleaders.asp?SEASON_ID=43&SPORT_ID=17&TEAM_ID=&MAIN_CAT=off&STAT_STAT_TYPE=cfb-player-stats-passing&SORT_TYPE=qb-rating&SORT_ATTR=rating&ORDER_TYPE=DESC

by Bucketochicken on Dec 1, 2008 8:44 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Shit, sorry I'm late.

Traffic was a bitch. Did I miss anything?

Holy Shit! Pummer spit out his pacifier and let really let the Iowa fans have it. I hope no feelings were hurt. Is everyone ok? Good.

Now listen up fuckbag, your posts read like you’re arguing whether or not your pretty little purple team beat us. Hey, you’re right they did. Congratulations. I hope you enjoyed it. No one is disputing that. It’s over. It’s in the fucking books. This is football. It’s like other sports in that the best team doesn’t always win. Shit happens. Then we move on. Shit happened. So fucking move on.

Are we on the same page now, junior? Great. Feel free to now talk about the issue at hand, which is “which team gets the better bowl?” That’s why everyone is talking about attendance and strength of schedule. These are the things that matter. Shhhhhhhh…..I know your team won.

No one is saying that our bowl attendance erases your head-to-head win. We already talked about this. It’s over. The issue (non-fucking-issue) is that BOWLS DON"T WANT YOUR UNIMPRESSIVE (shhhhhhh….I know they’re 9-3) TEAM OR YOUR FEW SHITTY FAIRWEATHER FANS.

Feel free to stop back and discuss your chances in the Alamo/ChampsSports/DetroitAssfuck Bowl. I, for one, hope you win.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 1, 2008 10:04 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Obviously, you're not a golfer.

Seriously, you just called Northwestern fans “fairweather”? Jeez, lose to Northwestern at home on homecoming and lose one more game overall to fall to 5th in the Big Ten standings and be unranked, and do you actually start to believe all sorts of batshit crazy things?

NU has made 5 fucking bowls in the past 59 years (6 if you count this one). Since our “renaissance” in 1995, it’s 5 bowls in 13 years, really. We’ve been a godawful, historically inept program, that even when its been relatively good and competitive over the past 13 years STILL missed out on bowls in 8 of the past 13 years.

So where the fuck do you get off calling fans of a team like that “fairweather”? It’s almost as absurd a statement as announcing that Iowa State has a Rhodes Scholar, Notre Dame fans being hailed for their humility, or Shonn Greene actually sticking around to graduate.

Yeah, you can call our fanbase small (I prefer to think of it as elite), and take pride in Iowa’s ability to herd its fans en masse in their matching yellow and black overalls. But don’t call those of us who stick by a team that has had stretches of ineptitude that would have resulted in Kinnick being burned to the ground by angry Hawkeye fans “fair-weather.”

Oh, and by the way, we’regoingtotheOutbackandyou’renotbecauseNorthwesternisthebetterteamandproveditonthefieldandhasabetteroverallrecordandisrankedandhastheGodthatisPatFitzgeraldasitscoachwhocouldripFerentzapartwithnothingbuthisbarehandsandohyeah22-17bitchesNUownsIowa.

by Chadnudj on Dec 2, 2008 12:35 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Kinnick is made of brick.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 2, 2008 6:31 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

You should probably read up on Iowa history more

We’re not exactly a historically great program or anything. Everything between the late 50s and Hayden Fry was a disaster.

by NorseHawk on Dec 2, 2008 8:16 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

No kidding

I grew up in Cedar Rapids and remember the Bob Commings (sp?) years all too well. Not a lot of glory there, although lousy teams still drew. Hmm, that reminds me. What city is Northwestern in? Chicago, which the internets says has 9.7 million people. Apparently 9.68 million of whom have better things to do than watch a purple pants football team that’s not going to the Outback Bowl.

by txhawkeye on Dec 2, 2008 9:36 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Stretches of Ineptitude?

You’re talking to loyal fans of a team that had twenty years without a winning season, bub. And we didn’t “burn Kinnick to the ground.” We put on our black and gold, downed a few cold ones and went to cheer for the Hawks. In good times, we sang “In Heaven There is No Beer.” In bad, (and it was mostly bad) the marching band consoled us with “Hey Jude.” But rain or shine, we went to cheer for the Hawks. And when this dangerously deep fan loyalty met with the sudden success Hayden Fry brought to the field, the terrifying thing you now know as Hawkeye Nation was born. It is passionate. It is fiercely loyal. And it is going to take your bowl game. kthx.

by Third Generation Hawk on Dec 2, 2008 11:19 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Wow...

…you really wanna play “who’s team had it worse”?

As for the fans that turned their backs on NU, I agree – fuck ‘em. They’re a disgrace to the idea of supporting your team, and if they came back now they’d be as obnoxious as pink-hat wearing Red Sox fans were in 2005.

Just don’t say that the (admittedly) small band of NU fans who stuck with the team EVEN when they were losing AND there were not many other fans around were “fairweather”.

by Chadnudj on Dec 2, 2008 1:53 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

This is a private residence, man

Fairweather Facts:

In 1995, when Northwestern somehow won the Big Ten, they sold out a home game for the first time since 1983. That’s 12 years of your fans not giving a fuck. (In addition, of course, to the 50 years before that).

Then they decided not to give a fuck again between 1997 and 2000, when you finally sold out a home game against Michigan.

Then, while your team suffered through 4-7, 3-9 and 6-7 seasons in ‘01-’03, guess how many sellouts you had. Holy Shit, you’re right…..NONE. It took a night game versus Ohio State in 2004 for your fans to finally show up.

Meanwhile, Iowa enjoyed a 36 game sellout streak between 2003 and 2008 and had a streak of 58 consecutive home sellouts during Hayden Fry’s tenure. Iowa was selling out games even when the team started 4-19 under Ferentz.

Hawkeye fans are the real deal. We put 70,000 in Kinnick regardless of our record.

Northwestern barely manages to sell out their high-school-sized ‘stadium’ twice per decade when their team is somehow not a pile of shit.

Thanks for stoping by.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 2, 2008 12:12 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Sorry for using facts to crush this argument

I realize that name-calling is easier to refute.

Also, sorry I misspelled ‘stopping’

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 2, 2008 1:17 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I don't think you crushed it...

…in fact, you reinforced it.

Not to get technical with you, but if our attendance suddenly jumped this season after a 5-0 start, or for our final game against Illinois to cap one of only 5 I think 9 win seasons in team history, wouldn’t you consider all those late-to-the-party, only-there-because-NU-is-winning fans “fair weather”?

I’d say the fans that were there through ALL of the losing seasons (including 2006 and 2007’s 6-6 campaign), and continued to go to games this year and were finally rewarded with a winning (and historic) season, are ANYTHING but fair-weather.

Then again, logic like that would hardly makes sense in Iowa, where final scores and won-loss records take a back seat to “attendance” in the box scores….

by Chadnudj on Dec 2, 2008 1:50 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

"Then again, logic like that would hardly makes sense in Iowa…."

1. Actually, that should read “in Tampa.” Also, every other city wherein a bowl game is headquartered.

2. Your “sudden jump in attendance” is probably not going to be enough in the eyes of the bowl selection committee, because it’s… well, sudden. That’s like arguing that Davidson is a big-time college hoops power based on their “sudden dominance” in the tourney last spring.

3. Also, you-

Ugh. Fuck this. Never mind.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 2, 2008 2:18 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

"Ugh. Fuck this. Never mind."

Hear, hear! True that.

by imadirtyoldman on Dec 2, 2008 2:19 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Don't take it personally

I can understand that you, personally, are not a fairweather fan. You’re here tossing rocks at a hornet’s nest. I get it. You’re a fan whether they’re 9-3 or 3-9. Good for you. But I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about your shitty fanbase in general.

My point was that when Northwestern was finally good in ‘95-’96 after sucking the ass for decades, that your average home attendance was all of a sudden double what it normally was. The only time your team could sell out a home game was during good (by NU’s standards) seasons like 2000 and 2004. Northwestern does good = fans (might) show up.

Also, you can stop trying to make the argument that we care more about attendance than records. It’s fucking weak. If you read the original post, you’ll know there’s only one reason attendance is even mentioned. We’re talking about which team is going to which bowl game.

We have the fans, we have a better quality win, we have a better strength of schedule, we have a Heisman candidate. We are jumping you for a bowl.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 2, 2008 2:19 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Nice Summary

Hayden Fry’s Moustache Ride, imadirtyoldman, txhawkeye, et all have all pretty much closed the argument, and t/f/j to you all.

In summary, congrats (j)NW on your season, and I hope you beat the living piss out of Oklahoma State in the Alamo Bowl. I think it will be a great match-up, and for what it’s worth, I also hope you fill the stands and hotels with Armani and Hugo Boss suits, or even purple and white overalls. Prove that fandom, and you have no argument with me.

I also look forward to Iowa dismantling the ol’ ball coach’s team in the Outback. I hope that a few of you Northwesterner’s recover from your champagne and caviar headaches by 9 am on Jan. 1st to see the epic ass-whooping.

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 2, 2008 11:10 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

What the hell?

For some reason the Chicago-Sun Times’ Rick Telander is saying JNU’s Fitzy should be considered by the Irish if they shitcan Weis (and presumably his Patrick Duffy Leg).
Which school should be pointed and laughed at more if this comes to pass?
http://www.suntimes.com/sports/telander/1308693,CST-SPT-rick02.article

by MP hawkfan on Dec 2, 2008 12:40 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Iowa State?

by Bucketochicken on Dec 2, 2008 12:47 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

That's correct sir.

Laughing at Iowa State is ALWAYS the right answer.

That being said, I don’t see Fitz leaving (j)NU for Notre Dame. Love him or think he’s a huge douche that needs to calm down a bit, you gotta admit that Fitz loves Northwestern. I think he’d stay in Evanston even if ND came calling, at least until he’s made NU into a solid program.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Dec 2, 2008 3:10 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I think I'm feeble minded

’cause that made snot come out of my nose.

JNU will claim this is none of our business — correct. But, I wouldn’t be hugely surprised if ol’ Barry Alvarez makes a run at Fitz if Bielema goes down another win or 2 next year. Poaching, but somehow I think Mr. Alvarez will care more about himself than what his neighbor down south thinks. I don’t see Fitz going to Champaign when the Zooker gets the heave-ho, and Big XII or SEC seem somehow unlikely. Although, cuddly Nick Saban did go from MSU to LSU (then Miami to Alabama). It’s a conundrum.

by txhawkeye on Dec 2, 2008 3:52 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I think the only job for which Fitz would leave NU is in the NFL.

And even then, it seems like a huge maybe. I think he’s their guy, through and through.

Also, Iowa will jump Just Northwestern for the Outback Bowl.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 2, 2008 4:03 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Wasn't there some story about Urban Meyer wanting to coach Notre Dame?

Or did I over-inhale ethanol fumes again?

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 2, 2008 5:09 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I think it was the other way around

Notre Dame wants Urban Meyer. I doubt it’s mutual.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 2, 2008 5:12 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

ethanol <> meth, we’re midwesterners, sir

by txhawkeye on Dec 2, 2008 5:22 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Sorry for not being awares...

…I moved from Iowa City to the West Coast before meth and mega-feedlots swept the Heartland. The stoutest stuff I’d had before then was Old Gold soda.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 2, 2008 5:47 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I doubt Alvarez would go after Fitz

Poaching other teams coaches, while not against the rules, is kind of a no-no among the Big Ten. Assistants? Maybe, but not head coaches.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Dec 2, 2008 5:47 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Enough Cat baiting

Where’s my Big Ten/ACC Challenge Liveblog/openthread. I got the anal lube ready to watch the Big Ten take another ass-pounding.

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 2, 2008 5:46 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Think of it as...prostate stimulation.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 2, 2008 5:48 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Liveblog

http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2008/12/2/678035/gamethreadopenjamz-boston

Sorry, thought the game was at 7. We’re cruising now.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 2, 2008 6:10 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

A bleg...

…where can I go to stream audio/video of tonight’s game online? I choose not to have a TV. I can’t find it on the B10Net streaming site. Am I SOL?

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 2, 2008 6:09 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Keep an eye on LTP

Later today: http://www.laketheposts.com/2008/12/weis-returns-cats-net-kicker-hoops.html

Later Today…
Applying business practices to bowl selections. I’m missing something and you will likely help me fill in the blanks.
Posted by Lake The Posts at 9:08 AM

I think we may be able to provide some help filling in the blanks, BHGP-ers…

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 3, 2008 9:49 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

True, but...

Isn’t it time we let Little Brother whine in the corner, and simply avoid giving him the attention he so clearly needs to survive? Wait a minute, fuck that. We should continue to pound him over the head with a club, Bam-Bam style, until he gets it through his Armani-stuffed head.

by imadirtyoldman on Dec 3, 2008 10:19 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Besides, four more posts and this thread will hit 100.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 3, 2008 10:39 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

97!

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Dec 3, 2008 11:01 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

2 more to go!

by Duez I say on Dec 3, 2008 11:08 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Since JNWU has the bestest record, let's let Chad or Pummer have #100.

We are gracious, no?

by Bucketochicken on Dec 3, 2008 11:17 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Nope. I'm taking it.

Fuck those guys.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 3, 2008 3:25 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

shit

I thought that last one was for the century mark. Now I am forced to re-post and quote my previous comment.

Fuck those guys.

That felt good. Like the first scoop out of a new jar of peanut butter.

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 3, 2008 3:30 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Sorry HFMR

your count turned into decent unintentional comedy (100 and 101).

To change the subject completely, for a great pissing match, go to ESPN Big XI football site and look at the Big XI / ACC football challenge Adam Rittenberg started, here:

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/bigten/0-2-826/How-would-Big-Ten-fare-in-football-ACC-Challenge-.html?post=true&prosaction=newpost&status=ok&status=ok&status=ok

by txhawkeye on Dec 3, 2008 5:10 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Quality stuff.

I, for one, think the ACC is a joke of a football conference. Of course, after seeing the match-ups, I cannot say that I would be completely confident in the BigTen winning more than 5 of those games. In fact, I almost completely agree with the results as proposed. jNU is the only projected BigTen loser that I could see winning, but I cannot say that with much confidence. Scary. I still think the ACC as a conference, in general, is just slightly better than the Pac 10.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Dec 3, 2008 5:52 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Unintentional Comedy

Is the only type I’ve ever had success at

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 4, 2008 4:28 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Iowa should be in the SEC

Iowa is an SEC school. Not a good, successful SEC school, but a shitty one. Namely, Mississippi. Think about all of the eerie similarities here. It’s a piece of shit state with a bunch of undereducated farmers. It has a lot of “fans” because all the locals have nothing better to do than support the school that shares their state’s name. Professional sports teams = zero. Big cities = zero. National relevance = zero. The sports teams are very occasionally able to achieve mid-level status, but largely they get stomped by the real big brothers of the conference (LSU, Georgia, Alabama, Florida to Iowa’s owners in Michigan, Wisconsin, Penn State and Ohio State). That’s what is so ironic about this whole debate — Iowa is the little brother here. It has zero of the excuses/faults you keep highlighting at Northwestern and other schools, but Iowa still sucks. Iowa has never been and will never be relevant to college football nationally. Ask someone beyond the corn stalks what he thinks of Iowa and he will respond with corn, fat chicks, a shitty school, and mediocre football program that matters to precisely 78,000 people in this world, all of whom live in the corn fields around Iowa City. Nobody. Else. Cares. Get over yourselves, accept this reality, and move on with your lives. Or at least move to the SEC so we don’t have to put up with you anymore.

by eatingcornthelongway on Dec 5, 2008 1:14 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Wouldn't eating corn the "long way" imply a rather vigorous felching?

Doing something “the long way” means to do it the hard/difficult way, i.e., not taking the path of least resistance. In eating corn, the easiest way would be to just, you know, eat it – either straight off the cob or with a fork or spoon, maybe. Going about eating corn “the long way” seems to be way more effort than it’s worth (not to mention, nightmare-inducingly disgusting).
And I say this as someone who loves corn.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 5, 2008 2:08 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Hmmm...

Also, given the “Iowa’s owners” comment and the states/schools cited as examples of said ownership… what are the odds Long Way is from one of those states (who, last I checked, all have a fairly healthy agricultural economy)? Typically, the only people who go so quickly for the “con/pigs/fams/etc” jokes are people from other farm states. Good flames though.

by Bucketochicken on Dec 5, 2008 2:11 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Excellent - a nerve has been touched

Since anyone that took the time and effort, and obviously reads BHGP although we are not relevant to him/her, has it for us bad. VICTORY.

by txhawkeye on Dec 5, 2008 3:05 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I should point something out

This guy has been stalking me via email over the last two months or so under the name “Joe Cobsucker,” a name that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense no matter how you think about it (and why would you make it your own alias if you thought it was an insult?).

“Joe’s” been stalking since after the Northwestern game, and quickly identified himself as a Michigan State fan (a name conspicuously absent from the rather fatuous list of Iowa’s “owners,” though rightly so). We know how that game went, itself a monumental, JNW-esque upset, and he’s been trying to get our goat ever since.

But we’re not exactly sure why he’s doing this, since A) we didn’t directly provoke him, and B) it’s akin to hurling bitter invective at, like, a circus. “FUCK YOU ELEPHANT ON YOUR HIND LEGS! HOW ABOUT YOU SUCK MY HIND DICK!” Our only guess is that as a Michigan State fan who has just learned internet within the past couple years, he’s not yet used to this strange situation where his favorite team is now no longer Little Brother to Michigan. Confused and alone, he’s now lashing out at anything and everything around him, and that includes us.

We won’t be banning him for the time being or anything; he’s like a chihuahua with Ann Coulter’s voice box. As long as the carpet stays relatively clean and there’s no cumstains on the stuffed Herky, our house is his.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 5, 2008 3:17 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Oh, and one more thing

Showing up on another fanbase’s blog to tell them nobody cares is the height of loltastic irony. So glad you spent so much of your time and energy explaining how much you don’t care, sir. What’s next, a letter to the editors of Black Tail describing your deep loathing of the dreaded Negro race?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 5, 2008 3:22 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Better still

Is registering at this blog, simply to go off on its “home team.”

But this has to be my favorite bit:

The sports teams…largely get stomped by the real big brothers of the conference (LSU, Georgia, Alabama, Florida to Iowa’s owners in Michigan, Wisconsin, Penn State and Ohio State

Let’s see…Iowa beat Wisconsin and Penn State this year. Ole Miss beat LSU and Florida. So the “owners” are 1-2, with UGA, OSU and UM being missed. I guess I am sold. Iowa is terrible and should fold before the bowl game. They’ve little chance, and will likely lose by a final score of 86-0, to a “good, successful SEC school.”

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Dec 5, 2008 3:46 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Even better than that

Penn State has “owned” us to the tune of exactly one victory this millennium (basically all of Ferentz’s time here, since 1999 NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED, ALRIGHT?). Wisconsin is 4-5 against us over that same time period.

by NorseHawk on Dec 6, 2008 8:10 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Yes, very eerie similarities

a piece of shit state with a bunch of undereducated farmers

Average SAT scores:

#1 Iowa.
#10 Tennessee
#11 Arkansas
#14 Louisiana
#15 Kentucky
#17 Mississippi
#19 Alabama
#46 Florida
#49 South Carolina

Average ACT Scores:

#9 Iowa…
…#50 Mississippi

Mr. Corneater has obviously never visited the fine state of Iowa, just as I have never visited the fine state of Mississippi. But if he wishes to flame about something of which he has no knowledge, please go back to ESPN.com or wherever the hell you came from.

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 5, 2008 1:44 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

I will say though . . .

After reading his ability to string together a long, rambling, yet somewhat coherent tirade agaist another school supported by unfounded opinion and psuedo-facts . . . I kinda wish we had him on our side.

As ill-informed as you may be, kudos to you sir.

Columbus Hawkeye - Not letting his superlatives run away with him since 1983

by ColumbusHawkeye on Dec 5, 2008 3:05 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

by storminspank on Dec 5, 2008 10:04 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

The best way to sell the Hawks to Tampa

I thought I would try to help with a suggestion for your final push to the Outback Bowl. Since Iowa lacks the usual attributes to be selected (better record, head to head win, national rankings, BCS rankings, etc), I agree with you in that you need to focus on the traveling fans of the Hawkeyes to get selected to go to Tampa. However, I think that you are missing a key selling point on your efforts for the Outback—why have you forgotten the COPULATING couple from the Metrodome???

Tampa has numerous Strip Clubs and Drinking establishments that would clamor for this type of entertainment and the crowds that this couple could bring to the Tampa Bay area. Can you imagine the anticipation of a special showing at the Gentleman’s Club of choice or possibly at the Outback Bowl Parade (be sure to have good shocks on the parade float so that it doesn’t tip over during their performance!)? I’m still struggling to figure out why these two felt so inclined to do the NASTY in the Men’s room at the Metrodome—maybe it was the blow out (pun intended) that led to their boredom, or maybe it’s just that Iowa folk are just used to livestock doing it all the time around them, so why not them? In any case, sell from your strengths, and not your weaknesses. Get that couple some plane tickets!

On a final note, I am sensing a bit of the "Larry Craig" syndrome with your blog. Remember him, the biggest homophobe in the senate who actually was a homo? All the criticism of the Cats makes me believe you secretly have some true Cats’ envy. I guess if I hear some tapping at the urinal at next year’s game at Ryan Field West, I will know who it is.

Good luck in your Bowl and go Big Ten!

by just-me on Dec 6, 2008 11:15 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Yeah, that's it

You’ve discovered our secret. We’re secretly jealous of jNU (snicker).

Listen junior, leave the pop psychology to the grown-ups. And if you’re really going to troll Ryan Field for a date, well then good luck to you.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Dec 6, 2008 8:53 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

junior??

i’m 51

by just-me on Dec 7, 2008 11:29 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

The other thing the folks from JNU keep missing...

…is the sheer incomprehensibility of actually having non-alumni fans. Neither of the bathroom duo actually, you know, attended the University of Iowa.

Those of us who did were watching the shit-stomping. We didn’t need a last-second miraculous interception to beat Minnesota.

by DonnyDonovan on Dec 7, 2008 12:50 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

sorry to blow your theory

but i am not an alum of Northwestern. Believe it or not, just a big fan

by just-me on Dec 7, 2008 11:28 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

shit-stomping?

if it wasnt for nu’s win that shit stomping wud never had happened…minny had lost 3 in a row…a third grade girls badminton team could have pounded them into the ground

an iowa’s non alumni fan base is the only reason they have sell-outs….becasue their huge fat asses take up about 8 seats a piece

by big10fball on Dec 7, 2008 10:50 AM CST reply actions 0 recs