The Second Gunman


Perhaps you saw this picture in the Sunday Quad-City Times.  It's a picture of a jubilant Ricky Stanzi, celebrating on the Kinnick Stadium turf after beating the once-undefeated Penn State Nittany Lions. 

Or, at least that is what you were told.

The truth is out there.  It explains how a quarterback that has spent the year throwing inexplicable interceptions suddenly mutated into Super Terrific Happy Fun Quarterback in the fourth quarter.  It explains how a sophomore quarterback performed like he'd been playing Big Ten football for the past four years.  It explains why J Leman was unavailable for postgame analysis.

The truth is out there, my friend, and I will bring it to you.  That is, if you are ready.  Take the red pill and stay on the front page, in the fake world.  Take the blue pill, and learn the truth after the jump.

On its face, that picture is clearly Rick Stanzi.  The long hair, the #12 jersey, the apparent lack of vertical leaping ability; it's all Stanzi.

Or so you thought.

Look at the picture again:


Look at these other pictures of Rick Stanzi:

Stanzi1_medium Stanzi2_medium Stanzi3_medium Stanzi4_medium

I saw that picture Sunday and, after cursing my hangover for the 17th time, I thought something wasn't quite right.  Maybe it was the Anton Chigurgh haircut, or the half-sleeves under the jersey, or the hangover, but something didn't add up.  I looked at the picture, and I thought, and I looked at that picture again.  That picture couldn't be Ricky Stanzi.  It wouldn't even get past a Vito's bouncer as a fake Ricky Stanzi ID. 

Yet on Monday night I still didn't have an answer.  If it wasn't Ricky, then who was in the picture?  Who was wearing the STANZIJERSEY?  The whole conspiracy came into focus when Cornshoe Hammaker posted this picture:


Look at Leman.  Now scroll up and look at "Stanzi".  Go ahead.  I'll wait.

Do you see it?  I'll make it easier:


That's right, folks: At the end of the third quarter, with his team reeling from the latest baffling STANZIBALL into quadruple coverage, Ferentz knew he had to take drastic action to win this game and save his job.  He quietly sent Stanzi to the locker room, where Ricky was clearly drugged, stripped, and replaced with Captain America.  Fifteen minutes and ten points later, Iowa had its biggest victory in at least 18 years.  That wasn't Ricky Stanzi winning that game; that was J Leman.

Don't believe me?  Don't think the two-time National Coach of the Year slipped roofies to his quarterback and replaced him with a former Illinois linebacker and current Big Ten Network analyst/maverick renegade?  Well, look at this picture, taken with 7:00 to play:


The prosecution rests.


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