The Zook Murders: Part 2

Part 1 | Part 2

Notredame_medium
In the back room of a Gary, Indiana strip club,
two men
and a man-turned-leg stand around a pool table...

Davieicon_medium  ...So I had Ron Powlus hanging upside down over the balcony, and all the change is falling out of his pockets...
Weisicon_medium  HUR HUR HUR

Patrickduffyicon_medium HUR HUR HUR
Davieicon_medium ...and a nickel falls 18 floors, right onto this guy's head.  Knocks him unconscious.  Powlus looks up and says, "I think you killed him"...
Weisicon_medium  HUR HUR HUR
Patrickduffyicon_medium  HUR HUR HUR
Davieicon_medium  ...and I says to him, I says to him, I says to him...
Weisicon_medium  Spit it out, Davie, you magnificent bastard!
Davieicon_medium  ...I says to him, "He ain't dead.  If I wanted to kill that sonofabitch, I'd have to drop a six-foot-one 225 pound overhyped no-talent douchebag on his head.  You know where I can find one of those?"
Weisicon_medium  HUR HUR HUR [falls off chair]  I swear to Christ, Davie, that story never gets old!

[Door opens, Jimmy Clausen walks in]

 Clausenicon_medium  Hey Coach!
Weisicon_medium  Clausen!  Did you take care of that thing?
Clausenicon_medium   Uh, Coach?  I checked the details of my scholarship, and you can't make me go collect your debts from
Gun_medium   BANG


Clausenicon_medium  AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!  Why did you shoot me in the knee?
Weisicon_medium  I don't give a shit what the terms of your scholarship say.  You are going to take care of this for me.  You took an oath.  You understand, fuckhead?
Clausenicon_medium  AAAH...AAAH...ye...yes coach...
Weisicon_medium  Good.  Now get that bandaged up, and I don't want to see you again until it's finished.  I WANT MY MONEY.  Clausen...next time, I'm not aiming for your knee, you understand?

[Clausen drags himself out of the room on his hands and knee (singular)]

Weisicon_medium  Duffy, you think that was too much?
Patrickduffyicon_medium  Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, you know?  In the season three finale of my hit ABC "TGIFamily" sitcom Step By Step, I came into some money and bought a $5000 recliner.  Carol was so mad, she made me sleep in it for a week.  Mo' money mo' problems, boss.
Weisicon_medium  See?  That right there.  That's why you're my consigliere, Patrick Duffy Leg.

[Bob Davie takes another drink, then misses a shot on the 6-ball]

Weisicon_medium  OK, now, what are we going to do about this situation down in Florida?
Patrickduffyicon_medium  We've sent three different guys down there, and he still hasn't paid.  They all end up shotgunning Schlitz's and doing whipits.
Weisicon_medium  GOD DAMN IT
Patrickduffyicon_medium  He's a nice guy, Charlie.  People like him.
Weisicon_medium  I don't care if he's Mahatma Fucking Gandhi!  The man bet $500 a race on the greyhounds.  The man has to pay his debts.

[Weis misses a shot on the 13-ball]

Patrickduffyicon_medium  We could send down Clausen...
Weisicon_medium  Clausen is a piece of shit.  I don't care how much schematic advantage I give him, he always comes up short.  No, we've gone far enough.  It's time for final payment.
Patrickduffyicon_medium  You sure, Charlie?  You don't want to do something you'll regret.  On Step By Step season 7, episode 13, we left the baby with the teenagers.  They let her go outside without supervision. Even though we eventually found her and the teens learned a lesson about responsibility, I regretted that decision for three more episodes.
Weisicon_medium  I understand your point, Patrick Duffy Leg, but it's about time this paint-huffing, Beast-swilling idiot pays the ultimate price.
Patrickduffyicon_medium  Who do you want to send?  Davie?
Weisicon_medium  Shit no.  He's in no shape for it.  Christ, Davie hasn't been the same since Brad Banks graduated from Iowa.  I swear that bastard loved Brad Banks more than his own gouda...
Patrickduffyicon_medium  That's gouma, Charlie.
Weisicon_medium  Gouma.  Yeah, gouma. What'd I say?
Patrickduffyicon_medium  Gouda.  You know, like the cheese.
Weisicon_medium  Well, you know what I meant.  ESPN had him broadcast every game Banks played, and ol' Bob just fell head over heels.  Jesus, just look at him.

[Weis turns so Patrick Duffy Leg can get a look at Davie, curled up in a ball on the floor and making out with his pool cue]

Patrickduffyicon_medium  Every time we send one of your players down there, they come back with a meth addiction and a child support payment.
Weisicon_medium  It's time to bring out the big guns.
Patrickduffyicon_medium  You don't mean... [looks at Davie]
Davieicon_medium  [Sits up, puts down pool cue, looks at Patrick Duffy Leg]
Weisicon_medium  Yes.  Call Holtz.

On a soundstage in Bristol, Connecticut

Lou_holtz_icon_medium   I DITH NOT MEAN TO CALL RITH ROTHRIGUETH A NATHI.  I APOLOGITHE FOR
Iconcell_medium   RING
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  THORRY ABOUT THAT.  LETH TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.  I DITH NOT MEAN TO CALL
Iconcell_medium  RING
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  OK, I'D BETTER TAKE THITH.  IT COULD BE MY WIFE, AND MAN CANNOT LITH WITHOUT LOVE
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  HELLO, THITH ITH LOU HOLTH
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  YETH, HELLO THARLIE!  I HOPE YOU THAW I PUT YOUR IRITH AT NUMBER THEVEN THITH WEEK...
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  YETH...
Lou_holtz_icon_medium   YETH...
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  CONTHIDER IT FINITHED.
Lou_holtz_icon_medium  I HAVE TO THLY TO THLORIDA.  IMMEDIATELY.

TO BE CONTINUED

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