I can deal with Tom Dienhart's unhinged ramblings.  Tom Dienhart has proven himself too stupid to live on multiple occasions; I can just read The Rivalry's shotgunning of his idiotic, incoherent Big Ten hatred, raise a glass, and walk away.  But this aggression will not stand, man. This unchecked left coast aggression will not stand.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Texas	--
2	Penn State	1
3	Alabama	1
4	Oklahoma	1
5	Georgia	5
6	Texas Tech	2
7	Utah	--
8	Oklahoma State	4
9	Southern Cal	3
10	Boise State	2
11	Florida	2
12	TCU	1
13	Ball State	1
14	Tulsa	4
15	Ohio State	6
16	Missouri	10
17	Michigan State	4
18	Minnesota	7
19	Brigham Young	3
20	Florida State	3
21	LSU	4
22	Oregon	4
23	North Carolina	3
24	Troy	2
25	Notre Dame	1

 

Farmed out to prep school:

Georgia Tech (#15), Boston College (#16), Cincinnati (#19), South Florida (#20), Northwestern (#24).

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Tackle eligible:
Connecticut, Pittsburgh, Georgia Tech, Cincinnati, Northwestern, Air Force

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Watched:
Auburn-West Virginia, Boise State-San Jose St., Illinois-Wisconsin, Michigan-Michigan St., Penn State-Ohio State, parts of BC-UNC, Ole Miss-Arkansas, ND-Washington

Chris Dufresne, college football writer for the LA Times and USA Today, responded to Penn State's victory in Columbus by telling us how bad Penn State's victory in Columbus was.  There are simply too many stupid statements here for a generic response.  Time to get our Mose Schrute on...

"Big Ten is in a Boring State"

It's actually in a number of boring states.  I live in Iowa.  It is pretty boring.  I've been to Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio.  Boring, boring, boring, shoot-yourself boring, and booooooring.  But once I went to Kentucky and WOO CATCH THE SEC FEVER!

Penn State kicked a field goal, and then Ohio State did.

Yep, there were two field goals.

Ohio State tacked on another, and then Penn State missed one.

Your point?

And then, late, an Ohio State quarterback fumbled, and before you knew it people were pulling Penn State's backup quarterback out of a goal-line pile that resulted, with 6 minutes 25 seconds left, in the game's only touchdown.

Is this in praise of quarterback sneaks?  Because if you are a fan of quarterback sneaks, you should probably turn on the Florida game.

Joe Paterno, relegated to the Ohio Stadium press box, looked down from high above, with Woody Hayes possibly peering down from even higher.

SPOILER ALERT:  I hate to break it to you, but Woody Hayes is in hell. 

What tension, what drama, what a job by the chain gang moving those sticks. . . . what in Helena was that?

It was Penn State 13, Ohio State 6, that's what it was.

And you wonder why no one wants to see the Big Ten Conference champion back in another national title game.

Yes, it was called two pretty damn good defenses playing in a night game in late October.  They were playing in short sleeves in weather that would make your tanned California ass detach from your body and run away (and it wasn't even that cold).  Surely a college football writer of Mr. Dufrense's stature can appreciate a good, hard-hitting defensive battle when he sees it...

On a day when top-10 Florida and Texas Tech each scored 63 points, Oklahoma scored 58 and Georgia scored 52, Ohio State and Penn State pounded each other senseless, and almost pointless, in Columbus, Ohio.

You're right.  There was nothing more scintillating than watching Florida beat up on a mediocre Kentucky team reduced to nothing by injury, Texas Tech moving the ball at will on whatever it was Kansas called that "defense," Oklahoma give up 35 to Kansas State without consequence, and Georgia expose LSU for the fraud that it was.  Those games were the definition of entertaining football.

You know what they reminded me of?  They reminded me of when Penn State put 45 on Oregon State (who, by the way, beat your beloved Trojans), 55 on Syracuse, 48 on Wisconsin, and 45 on Michigan.  Those blowouts were compelling in ways words cannot describe, wins that were positively Wittgensteinian.  I have them saved forever on TiVo and copied to DVD for posterity.

Oh, and the SEC never plays any of those boring, low-scoring games.  Every game is jam-packed full of offensive fireworks.

Ohio State is finally two-loss dead, a national nuisance no more...

Finally, we agree on something.

...but now Penn State lives and breathes and lurks.

The Nittany Lions are three wins -- against Iowa, Indiana and Michigan State -- from finishing 12-0.

Whether that delivers Penn State to the Bowl Championship Series title game Jan. 8 in South Florida depends on what happens on the field and what gurgles in six computers.

Penn State is No. 3 in the BCS, and probably needs a loss from No. 1 Texas and No. 2 Alabama to get in, if you believe the undefeated champions of this year's best two conferences, the Big 12 and the Southeastern, deserve to settle it on the field.

We agree on something else.  If Alabama runs the table, with wins over Georgia, LSU, and the SEC East champion, they probably deserve a spot.  If Texas finishes off Texas Tech next week, the remaining cupcakes on their schedule, and then Missouri in the BXII Championship, they deserve a spot.

Now here's where it gets interesting...

If it's a close race, though, with three unbeaten teams vying for two spots, might the USA Today voting coaches turn on the Tide in order to make sure Paterno is not denied?

If the choice is between Nick Saban or Paterno?

Is Dufresne asking whether the coaches will move PSU up in their poll in order to get them into the BCS Championship over Alabama?  Has Dufresne ever met someone from the Confederacy?  I don't care if Joe Paterno had six months to live and spent his offseasons rescuing abandoned babies from dumpsters and nursing them back to health; SEC coaches are not going to let Alabama stay home.  Even if they could, that poll is only a third of the calculation, and a concerted effort by the coaches couldn't move Penn State into the top two unless Alabama is dropped out of the top five by virtually every voter.

Dufresne can't be implying that the coaches would vote for PSU as national champions if they're left out of the game.  After all, even the most casual of college football fans realizes the coaches are bound by contract to vote for the winner of the BCS title game as national champion.  It's why LSU was the unanimous coaches' pick in 2003 despite USC winning the AP poll.  The coaches haven't stepped in to split the championship of their own accord since Osborne's last year at Nebraska.  Only a moron who doesn't even know the basic rules surrounding the BCS would make such a dumb argument, and a buffoon like that can't possibly get a job writing about college football for two of the nation's largest newspapers.

You're not saying that, right?  Right?  Um, Chris?

The coaches turned on Michigan, their No. 1 in 1997, to make sure Nebraska's outgoing coach, Tom Osborne, got half a share of the crown. In 2003, the coaches turned on USC, too, delivering first-place votes to Louisiana State on election day.

[Bangs head on desk repeatedly]