Welcome to Blogger Jeopardy. I'm your host, Will Ferrell's impression of Alex Trebek, and we have quite a contest in front of us. In third place, with negative $4,400, is Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin!
Thank you Will Ferrell Alex, and I'm just so happy to be here with Americans as we celebrate a great institution called learning and such as to exchange ideas and facts without the media filter and job creation is just not a scary thing under that umbrella as he rears his own head and how is that even possible heads don't even have rears or not places to rear themselves anyway and did you know Barack Obama is a terrorist?
That's not my name.
New Offensive Schemes In 2008, not many of those, Potpourri, Modern American Literature, which we will skip, Coaches, Food Is Yummy, and finally, Big Ten Teams in Minnesota. Governor Palin, you haven't come close to answering a question correctly or even coherently, but since rules dictate that the contestant in last place chooses the first category, I regret to inform the audience that the board is yours.
No! For crying out loud, let's start with New Offensive Schemes for $200. "This oft-maligned quarterbacks coach and his offensive approach that has rolled over opponents." Mr. Paterno, you may know this.
As much of a raging success that last question was, let's switch gears to Coaches for $200. And the answer is, "This icon was named the 'Big Ten's Sexiest Coach Feature' in 2007, beating out Ron Zook's muscles and Bill Lynch's 11-inch mansausage." Yes, Ms. Palin, you rang in first?
Well, I certainly can answer that question, Alex. You see, Alaska shares a narrow maritime border with Russia, and we can see them from our state if the skies are clear and we're on an uninhabited island and we're looking at their uninhabi
What? Good lord, no. Mr. Biggington will not be ringing in, as he has wandered away from the stage once again. The correct response is, what is Joe Tiller's Mustache? Good heavens, even Terri Schiavo would dominate you people.
I cannot recommend that, but you've done enough damage in the easy categories anyway, so here we go. This Alice Walker book was adapted into a movie that earned Whoopi Goldberg her first and only Oscar. I will be stunned if anybody gets this. Yes, Burt?
I ONCE MADE WHOOPIE WITH A YOUNG LASS, PROBABLY NO OLDER THAN 16 WERE EITHER OF US. WHAT FUN WE HAD FROLICKING ALONG THE BANKS OF THE ALLEGHENY AND EXPLORING OUR YOUNG, NUBILE FRAMES WITH INVITING FINGERTIPS, MOUTHS, AND ANI. THE TWIST IS THAT AFTERWARDS SHE TOLD ME HER LAST NAME WAS GOLDBERG. THAT IS MY WHOOPIE GOLDBERG STORY
DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, YOU HEATHEN RAPSCALLION. LONG STORY SHORT, I HAD TO GO HOME AND TELL MY FATHER I HAD CONTRACTED THE DREADED JEWISH CHLAMYDIA. I COVETED MONEY FOR A DECADE AND SAW MY FORESKIN DECREASE EXPONENTIALLY
You know what? Forget it. Let's move on to Final Jeopardy now for the good of all humanity. You're all catastrophically in debt to Merv Griffin Enterprises after this episode, so we'll just forgive the debt of whoever comes halfway close to answering this question correctly: Who is the movie "Rudy" about?
It could be the namesake of the movie... his nickname... perhaps his alma mater... even their nickname is good... Jon Favreau was in the movie, why not name him? That would be a win... anything at all, related to the movie, and you win. Anything that you can associate to the movie or even the word "Rudy" and you win. Anything.
Say something, anything, about Rudy and you win. And your response? "I STRUGGLED TO KEEP MY TEAM INTERESTED IN 1973 WHEN WE BEAT A MIDDLING NCSU TEAM BY SIX TO KEEP OUR UNDEFEATED SEASON ALIVE. WE DESERVED TO LOSE THE GAME, WE DID. SO I FOUND A GOAT AND THAT IS WHERE THE FUN BEGAN." Okay, I'm not giving up on this. Did you kill it?
Editor's note: Due to TLDNR constraints, we could not address the following answers from Mr. Bixel. Ironic, really, since the only reason we said we'd participate was the Hawkeye State question. Our contestants insisted we address these questions after the fact, so fine, whatever.
Who is Hawkeye State?
What is Brains?
Anyway. We also didn't get to these:
Who is Terrelle Pryor?
Who is Mark May?
Who is Rich Rodriguez?
Best wishes to Bixel and TOGTM, and thanks for hosting this total trainwreck. There's A Game On Saturday? will run Friday afternoon. Run for your lives.