An Edict from Pope Delaney
by Hawkeye State
on Jan 7, 2008 11:14 PM CST
in News
You might know we here at BHGP are degenerate drunken plagiarizing gambling addicts. What you may not know is we have the ear of Big Ten Pope Jim Delaney. When His Holiness wants to send an edict, we're his first call. After tonight's BCS Championship Game, we received the following message from the Vicar of the Upper Midwest.
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of defending you. I'm sick of trying to come up with excuses why you get your asses kicked every season. I'm sick of sending out my minions to stop those who predict your demise. I'm sick of fucking sweater vests. Most of all, I'm sick of being proven wrong.
I preach our academic superiority, despite knowing full well the story of Andy Katzenmoyer. I praise our knowledge of the game, despite the fact that a monkey with a typewriter could have known the blitzing, and the constant man-to-man coverage, was killing your defense. I praise our history, mostly because that's about all I have left.
You've left me no choice. You run your mouth all season, demanding your chance, only to play like Snoop Dogg's Pop Warner team on the biggest stage. You bring nothing to the table. You're outplayed. You're outcoached (hell, one of your own alumni just said so on national television). You're outclassed.
We're the Big Ten, and the fact that we have eleven teams is embarrassing enough. That flaw if now remedied. I'm sorry, Ohio State, but this is my decision. It is final. It is unequivocal. It is infallible.
On this day, January 7, 2008, Ohio State is hereby EXCOMMUNICATED from the Big Ten conference.
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I wonder where
are all of the knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing, sex offender, library maturbating, smug defenders of Duh Ohio State University? (Besides being excommunicated, the THE has now been officially and forever changed to Duh. Take note, alumni professional players. Both of you.)
by iceberg on Jan 8, 2008 7:53 AM CST 0 recs
Sir, one issue
I've long maintained that the proper name for that institution is AN Ohio State University. aOSU, if you will. There's no need for a definite article.
by Oops Pow Surprise on
Jan 8, 2008 7:58 AM CST
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THE indefinite article
I've long maintained the same naming convention for An Iowa State University, and I think it's appropos for the -- er... some Buckeyes as well.
by Bucketochicken on
Jan 8, 2008 8:20 AM CST
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Confusing
[Walks in]
[crickets]
Where are the mouth breathers? Where are the knuckle draggers? Where are the Mike Coopers? You bastards came out of the woodwork in October. Now you're cowering? Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
Just as a refresher (from comments on 10/23/07, and these are tame):
"If fucking Kentucky can beat LSU, OSU sure as hell can"
"A shit-tastic OSU team is going to roll into the National Title game against the SEC team de jour. Said OSU team is going to be a two touchdown underdog. ESPN is going to run a month's worth of "the SEC team de jour is going to kick the shit out of OSU" segments. And OSU is going to win."
"I am also not going to pretend for a second that we can't beat anybody in the country. We are good and that is all there is to it. The National Title is not out of reach for us...but it is for you. Go Bucks, (heaven help for saying this) Go Wolverines, and fuck the rest of the BigTen."
"As Buckeye fans, we appreciate other schools taking the time to downgrade our recent accomplishments, we love to defend our team and we love feeling the jealousy from schools such as yours. Keep up your the good work and thanks for letting Buckeye fans invade your shitty site. I'm sure we'll be back."
SO WHERE ARE YOU, FUCKERS?
by Hawkeye State on Jan 8, 2008 2:09 PM CST 0 recs
for shizzle
No one is threatening to teabag me now!
Suckas!
by dmbmeg on
Jan 8, 2008 5:16 PM CST
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Nope, no threats -
Now they're just offering.
by Bucketochicken on
Jan 8, 2008 5:38 PM CST
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You were saying, Brutus?
Oh man I just went back and re-read all of those comments from 10/23. Priceless.
by Bucketochicken on Jan 8, 2008 3:22 PM CST 0 recs
Rooting Against Ohio State
I took an informal poll of all the Big 10 graduates that I came into contact with out here in Seattle, and not one of us was rooting for Ohio State last night. We all agreed that we pledge allegiance to the Big 10 during bowl season, except when it comes to Ohio State. The consensus among us was that the Buckeyes were the least liked fans and players in the Big 10.
Funny how that profile we shared about them aligns perfectly with the type of aOSU fans that shit on this site in October.
by Eubanks on Jan 8, 2008 4:40 PM CST 0 recs
Where is the Buckfan?
Was there not some dude hammering away about how great Ohio State was on this blog a few months ago? Funny. I was cheering for Ohio State and actually more for a close game because I knew 8 months of the "Big Ten" sucks was coming if they were blown out.
I have one major problem with all this "SEC is awesome and the Big 10 sucks" sentiments and it is not that I do not agree with some of it. Where is this coming from?
Who is arguing that the Big 10 in the best conference and the SEC is not on top? Who?
It is the perfect straw man argument.
The Big 10 is not the best in football, nor is it the worst. My ranking based on top to bottom and bowl results.
- SEC
- Big 12
- Big 10
- Pac 10
- Big East
- ACC
It is a total crap shoot actually from 3-6. I think more of the problem is the Big 10 bowl contracts which force tough bowl match ups and the locations of the games do not favor Big 10 teams.
Ohio State played LSU in Lousianna, Michigan vs UF in Florida, Illinois against the Pac 10 champs in LA and Wisky went up against the SEC runner up. Hell, even Penn State took on A&M in San Antonio.
I am too lazy to break it all down but you get my point. The Big 10 needs to step up its play but this anti Big 10 crap is exactly why I did not want OSU in the national title game.
by MacG on Jan 10, 2008 11:12 AM CST 0 recs
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