HS: Good evening everyone. I'm Hawkeye State, and this is Iowa Wrestling with the Ultimate Warrior. Over the course of the next half-hour, we'll discuss the 2007-08 Iowa wrestling team, and collegiate wrestling in general.
And now, joining me is former world champion and NCAA wrestling expert The Ultimate Warrior...
Welcome to the show, Warrior.
UW: I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT HERE BY THE MOTHER SPACESHIP FROM A FAR AWAY GALAXY TO DESTROY ALL THOSE AROUND ME WITH THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR AND GIVE MY INSIGHT INTO THE WORLD OF COLLEGIATE WRESTLING.
HS: Great to see you, too, Warrior. Let's get right to it. Iowa is currently 14-1 and ranked #1 in the country by InterMat. Since dropping a home meet to Oklahoma State on January 5, they have won seven straight meets, including a championship at the National Duals. What's the key to this team's success, Ultimate?
UW: THE STARS HAVE ALIGNED AND THE MAGNETIC FIELDS HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TOGETHER. THE TIDES HAVE CEASED, AS THE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE FORCES HAVE BECOME ONE. AND WHEN THE MANY MOONS OF ANDROMEDA HAVE BEEN PLACED IN A PERFECT DECAGON, I AM FILLED WITH THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR. ALSO, THE INFLUX OF TALENT FROM COACH TOM BRANDS' VIRGINIA TECH TRANSFERS HAS STRENGTHENED THE LOWER AND MIDDLE WEIGHT CLASSSES.
HS: Excellent point, Warrior. The Virginia Tech transfers have helped this team immensely. Joe Slaton is 23-2 and ranked #3 at 133. Dan LeClere is 19-6 and ranked #9 at 141. Brent Metcalf is 23-1 and ranked #1 at 149. And Jay Borschel is 22-4 and ranked #2 at 174. All four of those wrestlers are Virginia Tech transfers who came to Iowa with Tom Brands. And, Warrior, all four of those wrestlers are only sophomores.
UW: THE POWER OF THE LITTLE WARRIORS IS AN UNDENIABLE FORCE FOR JUSTICE IN THE UNIVERSE AND WHEN THE LITTLE WARRIORS GET BIGGER THERE WON'T BE ENOUGH ROOM FOR ANYTHING BUT THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR.
HS: Yes indeed, the future looks bright. But, Warrior, let's not underestimate the contributions of upperclassmen to this team. In particular, senior Mark Perry, ranked #1 at 165, is looking for his fourth All-American award. Do you think he can repeat as national champion?
UW: I WILL RISE UP FROM AMONG THE DEMONS AND THE GREMLINS AND THE VAMPIRE BATS, AND I WILL TAKE MY RIGHTFUL PLACE AMONG THE GODS, AND THEY WILL LOOK TO ME AND ASK FOR THE FOUNDATIONS OF MY AFFRONT TO THEIR AUTHORITY. AND IT IS THEN THAT I WILL DESTROY THEM WITH THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR. PERRY SHOULD BE CHALLENGED BY JAKE DIEFFENBACH AT OKLAHOMA STATE, WHO DEFEATED HIM EARLIER THIS SEASON. ALSO, WHILE ERIC TANNENBAUM OF MICHIGAN WAS DEFEATED BY PERRY EARLIER THIS SEASON, HIS POWER IS IGNORED AT YOUR PERIL.
HS: That's true. Tannenbaum was ranked first heading into that match with Perry at the National Duals, and they'll face off again February 17 in Iowa City, during the Big Ten season. The Big Ten has 5 of the nation's top 8 teams and 9 of the top 16. Could Iowa go undefeated through this juggernaut of a conference?
UW: NORMAL PEOPLE CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR. THEY CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE LIFE OF THE WARRIOR, THE SOUL OF THE WARRIOR. I LIVE FOR THE THRILL OF COMBAT, FOR THE RELEASE THAT COMES WITH THE KILL. I HAVE BEEN SENT FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION TO CONQUER, AND TO ANALYZE NCAA WRESTLING. IOWA HAS ALREADY DEFEATED OHIO STATE AND NORTHWESTERN, AND THEY GET MICHIGAN AT HOME. IOWA'S MOST DIFFICULT TEST WILL COME AT MINNESOTA TOMORROW NIGHT. IF THEY WIN THAT DUAL, THEY HAVE A GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING OUT IN THE CONFERENCE.
HS: Let's not forget to remind our viewers that the Iowa/Minnesota dual will be televised on the Big Ten Network. OK, Warrior, let's take some viewer emails. The first one comes from Kim in Dubuque. Kim writes, "Warrior, what do you think is the most obvious weakness in this Iowa team?" Warrior?
UW: THE SUN AND THE MOON HAVE CONJOINED, AND THE MOTHER SHIP HAS RETURNED IN PREPARATION FOR MY DEPARTURE, BUT I AM NOT PREPARED TO LEAVE. I HAVE NOT FINISHED MY MISSION. I WILL NOT BOARD MY SPACESHIP AND RETURN TO STAR SYSTEM ZUMONGO UNTIL I HAVE DESTROYED ALL IN MY VICINITY. OBVIOUSLY, IOWA IS WEAKEST AT THE HEAVIER WEIGHTS, WHERE CHAD BEATTY IS WRESTLING TWO WEIGHT CLASSES ABOVE HIS SIZE AND MARK FIELDS HAS BEEN DISAPPOINTING.
HS: The next email comes from David B. in New York who asks, "I've escaped. The soul of the janitor may have been redeemed, but the building supervisor will find no such peace." OK, obviously that email was meant for the Lee Corso chat earlier this afternoon. Unfortunately, we are out of time. Before we go, any other thoughts, Warrior?
UW: [starts flexing] AAAAGGGGHHH!
UW: [still flexing, starts shaking] AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!
HS: Anything at all?
UW: [biceps explode, HGH sprays across the set]
HS: [covered in testicle-shrinking goo] Heh heh, absolutely. Well, until next time, for the Ultimate Warrior, I'm Hawkeye State. Don't forget to watch Iowa take on Minnesota tomorrow night on BTN, and thanks for watching Iowa Wrestling with The Ultimate Warrior. Good night.