Wait, is that Steve Buscemi's leg?
For the record, we were cautiously terrified of Rich Rodriguez to Michigan. But we made that calculation back when we thought Rodriguez was a football coach and not, well, a sleazebag.
First, RichRod bolts out of Morgantown in the dead of night like the bastard stepson of Art Modell. Then RichRod goes on Jim Rome (yeah, I know) and slams Ryan Mallett because the kid had the audacity to consider transferring out of a system that relies on a running quarterback and is actively pursuing Terrelle Pryor.
Those moves really just make you a dick. But we aren't done; apparently, on his way out of Morgantown, RichRod did his best Arthur Andersen impersonation:
West Virginia officials are wondering if assistant coaches aren’t all that Rich Rodriguez took with him to Michigan. They believe he may also have destroyed all or most of the paperwork files relating to every player on the current Mountaineer roster and virtually all of the activities conducted by the program over the past seven years.
Soon after returning to work after the Fiesta Bowl a little more than a week ago, the staff at the Puskar Center found that most of the files — including all of the player files — that had been stored in Rodriguez’s private office were missing. In addition, all of the players’ strength and conditioning files in the weight room were gone.
"It’s unbelievable. Everything is gone, like it never existed,’’ said a source within the athletic department, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "Good, bad or indifferent, we don’t have a record of anything that has happened.’’
According to the source, the files in Rodriguez’s office that are now missing included everything from records regarding summer camps — financial and otherwise — to data on boosters, recruiting and most everything related to activities within the program during Rodriguez’s seven years at WVU.
Most disturbing, though, is the absence of all of the players’ personal files, which included, among other things, contact information, scholarship money awarded, class attendance records and records on personal conduct and community service, be it positive or negative.
This is specious to say the least. Recruiting and summer camp notes? Financial records? Booster rolls? Training schedules and results? The training notes are especially intriguing, given Michigan's new S&C coach and his love of "bioenergetics":
"The science of bioenergetics is the basis of our conditioning program. It's all designed scientifically to meet the end needs of an athlete who plays in a given position under Rich Rodriguez."
Sure thing, Victor Conte.
While the rest of the football world gave a collective "Whawhawhaaaa?", MGoBlog,* not exactly a rock of journalistic integrity, spent most of the day on other Rich Rodriguez matters. For instance, we learned:
- RichRod walks on ice like a penguin.
- RichRod is not very good at shooting hockey pucks under a board.
- RichRod refuses to let some little kid take a shot at said hockey puck/board game.
- The S&C coach took Pac Man Jones under his wing. And discipline is supposed to be his strength.
- Michigan basketball sucks.
As for the shredding, Brian is curious but hardly worried:
Why would Rodriguez shred all this stuff?...Michigan fans: because he knew crazy WVU officials/FOIA-toting fans would go over the documents with a fine-toothed comb and attempt to nail him on every piddling recruiting violation like "called five minutes late."
Yeah, or he wanted to destroy all evidence of a continuing scheme under which Rodriguez would take booster (read: Arab oil) money, funnel those funds through tax-free municipal bonds, then send the now-clean cash to trainer Brian McNamee so WVU players could spend their offseasons getting "the Roger Clemens treatment." Of course, Rodriguez and his coaches and players were required to pledge allegiance to Ayatolla Khomeni in order to get access to that dirty oil money.
In other words, this evidence leads to only one conclusion: Rodriguez and his staff are islamofascists.
"Hail to the Victors!...Oh yeah, and death to America."
The truth** hurts, doesn't it, Michigan? The truth hurts indeed.
* -- We keed, we keed. We love MGoBlog.
** -- Might not be the truth.