So, the Zooker read my gambling post (below this one) and was a little miffed he didn't get mentioned. He's been calling me at least once a week since the Big 10 Media Conference. I finally gave him my AIM so he'd lay off on the drunk dials. The following is the unedited chat log from our conversation at 3:30 this morning:
ZookHook: what up, brah???
ZookHook: YO!! I see yer lite. I know ur in there. Answer meow or im callin yah!
ZookHook: awwww you shoulda been thurr tonite! IT WAS EPIOC!!
you wereeent sleepin were yah?/
JHC: I was. Shouldn't you be... preparing? I mean, you had a rough game last week...
ZookHook: pfffffffftttttt. We tottally beat em. Forget the scorez they know who won! Fuck yeah! Team America!! You kow whut movie thatz from?
JHC: Yeah. Seriously, you guys gonna win this week?
ZookHook: Who we play?
JHC: Dude. Seriously. You have a game in 36 hours. Do you really not know who you're playing?
ZookHook: Fuck off! I know... itz in Champagne?
JHC: ...it's Champaign, Z.
ZookHook: "it's Champaign, Z!! I'm Big Boy!! Lissen to my facts!!! I know ALL!!!11
JHC: Fuck it. I'm going to bed, asshole. Have fun.
ZookHook: NO!!! Dont hangup! Zooker cant sleeep> We still hitting the town when I come to the IC on ROCtoBeR 11?
JHC: You play Iowa on the 13th, Z.
ZookHook: Yeah yeah butt i wuz plannig to cum up a couple dayz early soz we could go out. Didjoo tell OPS I'm crashin wit himm>?
JHC: Z. For the last time, you cannot come up early to party. You have a game to prepare for and Iowa's fucking good this year. I really think you need to take this seriously.
ZookHook: gawwdd... yur killin mah buzz... arrrr you outtaa that shampppooo i sentcha?? I ogt lotz more
JHC: It's the pills, isn't it?
ZookHook: bigg tyme
JHC: You realize they're expecting you to go to a bowl game this year, right? Those recruits didn't come cheap.
ZookHook: fuck... i know... hey, joo ever ask coaach Fairrentz if he wuz hirin?
JHC: It's Ferentz, and, no. He wouldn't hire you, Z. No way.
JHC: uhhhhh.... Z? You pass out again?
ZookHook: aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh fuckkkk! My here!! WHERM I AT?
JHC: At your desk, I presume?
JHC: By the way, you play Western Illinois this week.
ZookHook: Seriesly? Whaz the line?
JHC: They're I-AA so there is no line.
ZookHook: Zookers goindown, broseph...
JHC: Good luck Saturday.