Some quick hits -
- Arizona State: A mediocre program that rises up every few years, has a decent non-conference run, and when the conference season starts goes down like Jared Leto in Fight Club.
- Missouri: See above.
- Michigan State: See above.
- Boston College: See above.
- South Carolina: See above.
- Kentucky: Ashley Judd has another terrible movie being released direct to DVD this week. It's called Bug. It doesn't feature Morgan Freeman, although odds are good he narrates the fucking thing. How do you think it feels to wake up knowing you're the most overrated Judd?
- Texas: I've decided that no matter their win/loss record, for the rest of the season I will rank the Longhorns according to how many players they've had arrested this season. Now they stand at 10. If they keep this up, [insert pithy Cincinnati Bengals or Pac Man Jones joke].
- Ohio State: I call them the class of the Big 10 this year, solely because that's like being the hooker with the fewest abortions. Congratulations, whore.
- Penn State: Ouch. The good news is, I see far bigger trouble for you guys down the road. Like letting JoePa drive you home at night down an icy mountain pass, you're an accident waiting to happen [that's the analogy trifecta, if you're counting at home. --ed.].