HERE'S THE THING: THE SEX CANNON EDITION

The pressure of a National Championship is off, Hawkeye fans, so we can just settle in and grind out a Big 10 title. I'm not kidding about either of those things. We're in a BCS conference, we have a highly paid coach, and we have good players so I see no reason why we should be satisfied with anything less than an undefeated season. That's in the wind now, so I'm ready to refocus on winning the Big 10. Let's start by beating Wisconsin. How are we going to do that, Jebus?

We're going to throw the football downfield like Rex Fucking Grossman.

I know, you think I'm drunk. Jake Christensen hasn't thrown downfield once all year. Wisconsin has good defensive backs and Iowa has their thinnest crop of WR's in a long time, maybe ever. Our QB looked skittish last week, our receivers can't catch, and our line can't pass protect. But here's the thing: if we want to win, we have to change what we're doing. It's so simple. It's time to take the training wheels off, go to page 2 of the playbook, and say "Fuck it, we're going deep!" We have no choice. If we keep doing what we're doing, against stiffer competition, we won't win. It's just like Jessica Biel said to Freddie Prinze Jr. in Summer Catch :

If you want big rewards, you gotta take big risks.

It's Football 101. Throw downfield when the opponent doesn't expect it and you stretch the field. You get the safeties out of the box, the corners on their heels, and the linebackers thinking about sacks. This allows you to run the football and keep your opponent off balance. Also, this is Wisconsin, a team we've beaten 4 out of 5 times. They do nothing we haven't seen before. They have an overrated defense, an average QB, and a fat running back. Also, they have girls who eat more cheese and drink more beer than Charlie Weis, so let's not act like they're all that. I'm not just talking about throwing deep on 3rd & 15. I'm talking 1st & 10, 2nd & 4, 3rd & 2. The only way to instill any confidence in our QB and WR's is to put a little faith in them and let them make mistakes. They're so afraid to make them right now that our offense moves like a cripple in quicksand.Worst case scenario? We throw a pick 50 yards downfield which is significantly better than out punting game right now. We have a great defense and it's time for the offense to step up and help them out. I think we're going deep today and I think we'll win. Let's watch for that, shall we?

As always, I ask that you follow JHC's 3 simple rules for being an Iowa fan:

  1. Don't boo.
  1. Don't chuck bottles at people (even if it's an obnoxious girl in a HUGE Wisky hoodie).
  1. If you drink, don't drive.

Make us proud out there.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker