Are You There God? It's Me, Hawkeye State

Come Armageddon!
Come Armageddon! Come!
Everyday is like Sunday
Everyday is silent and gray

So, yeah, I'm still listening to Morrissey.  And drinking.  Heavily.

When the game ended, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with my buddy EK.  We discussed playcalling.  We discussed another year of receivers who can't receive.  We discussed the never-ending disappointment that comes with following this team.  When that call ended, my dad called, and he reduced that entire conversation to six words:

"Both those teams are horse shit."

You can waste time talking about Ken O'Keefe's continuing lack of imagination (to blatantly steal from RUTS, we're obviously running an offensive playbook Kenny Boy copied from Tecmo Bowl), why the man continues to resist anything that might be successful, why ISU blitzes all day long and KOK's response is to throw one screen pass.  You can discuss defensive playcalling which puts your middle linebacker on a receiver in a sure-fire pass situation, or our apparent resistance to such newfangled concepts as the nickel package, or the fact that we absolutely cannot defend the spread offense (for a breakdown of defending the spread - and a look at something Norm Parker will never do - look at this breakdown).  You can discuss a recruiting philosophy which apparently seeks out receivers who can't catch and cornerbacks who can't cover.

The fact remains that, despite JHC's best late-night efforts, Captain Kirk and his band of boring men aren't going anywhere anytime soon.  Norm might give it up for health reasons, but he'll leave on his own terms.  O'Keefe, whose only qualification for the job was being friends with Ferentz (a DIII - yes, that's three I's - National Championship at Allegheny and one 4-7 year at I-AA Fordham), won't be going anywhere due solely to nepotism.  So, while a discussion of the credentials and performance of our coaching staff is warranted, it is also useless.

We've started seasons like this before; only once has a Ferentz-coached Iowa team escaped September unscathed, and it was because 9/11 canceled a week of games.  We've watched them turn around.  Maybe Morrisey's wrong.  Maybe Armageddon isn't here just yet.  But it's close, and Wisconsin is five days away.

And ISU?  Just remember that we came home to this:

And when the party is over, you still have to go home to this...

Sweet dreams, motherfuckers.

SB Nation Featured Video
Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.