Keeping The Man Busy

Here's why athletic directors are frowning this morning...

Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love...: This is, ostensibly, an Iowa blog; let's start with news from the home front. Kirk Ferentz, outraged that a member of his team could so effortlessly kick more ass than him, has decided to kick Clint Huntrods off the team. Shame.

What's really most galling about the entire situation is that, according to the police report, Huntrods was urinating on the sidewalk. If that's the case, then he was really asking for trouble. Really, anybody who's ever been drunk around the Vine knows that there are plenty of dark places to duck in and relieve yourself around Prentiss St.... or so my teetotaling ass has been told.

Athletes, take heed. ALWAYS hit the john one last time before you leave the bar, and if you simply must relieve yourself, duck behind a building or garage or something. C'mon.

Murder, sir?: Easily the most bizarre instance of alleged criminal behavior comes from the University of New Hampshire, where backup quarterback Henri "Hank" Hendricks (no word on if he goes by Triple H) is charged with assault, battery, and the murder of a professional surfer. It stems from a May incident where the surfer, Emery Kauanui, spilled a drink on the shirt of Hendricks' gang. After that, the gang followed Emery home and attacked him, Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention: Hendricks is a member of the "Bird Rock Bandits." They're Nazis or something.

The prosecution went ahead with charges against the other four Bandits in June (June?!), but Hendricks didn't come forward to authorities until recently. His coach, so impressed with Hendricks' morality and honesty, has decided to only suspend the murder suspect.

On behalf of Clint "Captain Awesome" Huntrods: fuck you, pal!

Pierre Pierce feels your pain: Wisconsin tailback Lance Smith, who is very, very serious about love, money, and shoes, will be spending lots and lots of time in Madison this season. After reinstating him before the first summer practice, Barry Alvarez ruled last Wednesday that the young man cannot play in any away games.

There's no word on why Alvarez believes Smith is a risk to defect from Wisconsin, but all in all, we really can't blame Smith for trying to get himself kicked out of the state. "Maybe if I beat the shit out of my girlfriend, rob her, and take her shoes, they'll let me go back to Ohio." Wrong, Lance. You are doomed to spend the next four years around funny-talking white people.

One point if you can find the minority. Five if you can find the two mullets.