P.S. I HATE YOU

                     

Ezekiel 25:17
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.

It is so easy in this state to get into the muck and argue about Iowa versus Iowa State. I didn't start this blog to talk about you, Iowa State fan. I've been trying hard to focus on Iowa and ignore you. I've had many opportunities to take shots at you and passed. There was the Chizik-Nickel , the team chaplain, and the season ticket fiasco. But I took the high road for once in my life.  Then you lost your first game to a team named the Golden Flashes and I still tried to cut you some slack. However, after this past weekend when you lost, at home, to Division I-AA Northern Iowa I heard some disturbing stories coming out of Ames. I heard you were booing your team, your new head coach (in his 2nd game), and Brett Meyer (who's about to become your all-time leading passer). The last straw was when I received a phone call saying that you celebrated at half-time of the game you were losing to Northern Iowa by burning a paper-mache rocket with Iowa written on the side. You are so focused on a game you can't win that you can't manage to get a win in the only game you have a chance to win all season. You've left me with no choice.

Ezekiel 25:17 And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

Let's be clear here, Cyclone fan. You're the fucking Cyclones. Are you so dim and myopic that you've forgotten what that means? It means you're in Ames. It means you're in Ames (I think it's important that I say that twice). You had the worst football program of the 80's, the funniest of the 90's, and the most disappointing of the 00's. You should thank the heavens that you can get anyone to come to your school, let alone an athlete with any discernible talent. For fuck's sake, you have the shittiest stripper bar I've ever been to (and I've been to East Dubuque). You have the worst tailgates I've even seen. Two years ago, I was at Jack Trice on gameday when you were actually challenging for the Big 12 North title (which of course, you choked away with a loss, at home, to Kansas, because you can't kick a field goal). For four (4) hours I tried to give away a pair of tickets at the 50-yard line, and could not do it. I couldn't give away tickets to people who were already at the game! Why would you boo your new coach and your team? Do you think they aren't trying? Do you think they will play better? You aren't just booing the team or the coaches. You're booing everyone who supports your program. You're booing the little kid who got all excited to go to the game on put on his Todd Blythe jersey. You're booing the prospective recruits who are visiting your school and are standing on the sidelines for the game. You're booing the fool next to you who had to shuck a million ears of corn to buy the season tickets to go to the game to stand in front of you to listen to you boo.
Bitch, you a stupid bitch.

Jules Winnfield: I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.

 

I didn't want it to be like this, Cyclone fan. I was tryin' real hard to be the shepherd. See, unlike you, I love college football. I love my team. I love my coach. If I'm at an Iowa game and I hear someone booing my team while I'm standing there, I tell them to shut their fucking mouth. You're supposed to stick up for your boys, you fucking weasels, not attack them from behind. I don't hate Iowa State, or the players, or the coaches.
I hate you, mother fuckers. This isn't the end, it's only the beginning.
See you tomorrow!

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