Theological discussion: What if this is what Jesus in Heaven looks like?

Here at BHGP, we've long had a soft spot in our heart for the University of Miami. They've maintained a culture of swagger that's often both hated and imitated, but never duplicated. Sure, they're mouthy and overaggressive, but, um, so what? The fact is that--this season aside--they win a lot and they put a lot of guys in the NFL:*

As of the 2006 season, the University of Miami has more of its alumni on active NFL rosters than any other college or university in the nation.

The Hurricanes hold the record for most players selected in the first round in a single draft (6, in 2004); most first-round draft picks in a two-year period (11, from 2003 to 2004); most first-round draft picks in a three-year period (15, from 2002 through 2004); and most first-round picks in a four-year period (19, from 2001 through 2004). For the past 13 years, from 1994 through 2007, Miami has had at least one player selected in the first round of the NFL draft, a record unmatched by any other college or university.

What's more, the legacy of the Miami program is one of mentorship and commitment; their offseason workouts are perennially stocked with NFL stars, who are coming back to work with their replacements just as their predecessors had come back to work with them. It's a stark contrast to a program like oh I don't know maybe Iowa's, where attrition is so ingrained into the culture that the seniors (or what's left of them, anyway) immediately warn the incoming freshmen that half of them won't stay on the team.

But yes, it is The U, and holy hell there's so much baggage that goes with that. So much so, that if you google the phrase "troubled football program," two out of the first three results are... well, they're for Rainy River CC up in Minnesota, which is a pretty fucked-up situation in its own right. But before I checked, I totally would have guessed it was about Miami. Right or wrong, that's the perception; this sort of thing doesn't tend to help, after all.

But you know what? Fuck it. Don't abandon what makes you you, U.** Unless an insatiable need to kick the living shit out of a low-level I-A team is part and parcel of the Miami culture, a complete overhaul isn't necessary. Yes, for every Mike Irvin there's a Lamar Thomas, and for every Reggie Wayne there's a, um, Mike Irvin. But to try to rid any half-decent football program--Miami or otherwise--of failure and misconduct is far more insane than anything that's popped into Clint Portis' head, and that includes Choo-Choo.

But I digress. The real reason for this post is to welcome the 40% of our readers who are gainfully employed back to work this week. Being the week before Christmas, this is either a wonderful or agonizing week, depending on your patience. So we figured we'd start your week off right courtesy of the 7th Floor Crew.

Now I know, I do, the song is grossly misogynistic and vulgar. Yes, anyone who'd play 10 seconds of it at work would be fired and, if their office is high enough, thrown out of the window to their death. Hell, it nearly killed Pat Forde.*** But not to worry, readers and friends; we've cleaned the song up for you!

7FC - Full (SFW) (.mp3, 10.2 MB, new window)

10.2 MB isn't a misprint; the song is about nine minutes long, and hearing the chorus of any song nine times necessarily begets tedium. To that end, we've also provided each single verse on its own below.

7FC - Marvelous (.mp3, 730 KB, new window)
7FC - T-Good (.mp3, 816 KB, new window)
7FC - Big Nick (.mp3, 710 KB, new window)
7FC - Lil Newt (.mp3, 713 KB, new window)
7FC - Dub C (.mp3, 510 KB, new window)
7FC - T-Buck (.mp3, 465 KB, new window)
7FC - G-Reg (.mp3, 472 KB, new window)
7FC - Big Beast (.mp3, 613 KB, new window)
7FC - Hollaman (.mp3, 738 KB, new window)

[the original version is here, if you haven't heard it or you'd like to hear it again -- it is extremely NSFW and not to be given to your lady on a christmas mixtape.--ed.]

By the way, this took way, way more time than you might imagine. Next time, we'll just unnecessarily bleep some Sinatra songs, post 'em, and call it a day. Like you wouldn't listen to "I've Got You Under My ****."

*It's wikipedia. I know. I don't like doing it either. But unless you want to do the research for yourself--lord knows I don't--you will shut up and take the link I give you.
**Sorry.
***We don't believe his sanctimony for a second, by the way.