We have a new #1! Life's funny sometimes!

With Illinois's untimely (and distressingly un-upset-like) defeat of Ohio State, the nation is scrambling for a new #1. Is it undefeated Kansas? Is it Oklahoma? Is it the chainsaw-dicked LSU?

No, no, and no. It's none of the three. As a matter of fact, the team with the best claim to the crown isn't even in a BCS conferece. As a matter of fact, it's Northern Iowa.

Allow me to explain.

Ohio State was an unquestioned #1.

Illinois beat OSU. Illinois would have a claim, but...

Iowa beat Illinois earlier this year. Iowa would have a claim, but...

Iowa State beat Iowa even earlier. Iowa State would have a claim, but....

Northern Iowa beat Iowa State to open the season this year. UNI would have a claim, but...

But...

But nobody's beaten UNI this year! They're #1 in the "Championship Sub-Division" and quite unobjectionably unbeaten.

The answer is clear, my fellow Ted Sheehans. Do you vote for a butt-fucking quitter LSU team with a loss (Quel horreur!), or do you reward the unbeaten? I think I know the answer!

Vote Northern Iowa #1. The Championship Subdivision requires nothing less.