Hi, I'm Bob Bruce, your correspondent for College Football Inside Report! I'm here to "tackle" the latest, hottest news from the glitzy land of the gridiron! If it happened on a football field, it's happening here! Here's a recap of what you might have missed from Week 6!
- Shocking news in the Big 10--Ron Zook is on the prowl! Led by their hunky head honcho, the Illinois Illini (try saying that three times fast! Bet you can't; nobody can!) improved to 3-0 in conference play after dispatching the #5 Wisconsin Badgers, 31-26. Bet you wish you had that one back, Florida!
Ohio State sent a message to the conference with a resounding 23-7 win at Purdue. Hey Big 10, I know the game was in West Lafayette, but it's time to let the OSU marching band dot the "i" during road games too! It's never too late to do the right thing.
- The boys in Tuscaloosa must feel like Tusca-losers after yesterday's 30-24 squeaker over Houston. Hey, when did the Rockets start playing football! Yao Ming in a football helmet? Now I've seen everything!
- The big story comes from Los Angeles (where else?), as USC was caught without their panties against Stanford, losing 24-23 to the 40-point underdogs. Pete Carroll needs to get his act together in a hurry--what if the Trojans can't even get into the Sun Bowl??? UPDATE! Sources tell me that after his team's 24-23 debacle against Stanford, USC coach Pete Carroll is no longer calling fans his "angels," and instead has begun referring to them as "little shits." DEVELOPING...
- The mundane becomes interesting with just one exclamation point! Watch this: Al Groh! Try it yourself sometime, reader!
- What the heck's up with Michigan? The Wolverines barely managed a 33-22 win against bitter in-state rivals Eastern Michigan. How do you score 22 points, you ask? It's simple--the Eagles scored 3, 5, 6, and 8 points in each of the quarters. Hey readers, if you've been agonizing over what a good PIN number would be, there's a great place to start. In fact, mine is 3-6-6-8. Why? It spells D-O-N-T, as in "DON'T steal my money!"
- The feel-good story of the season has to be plucky Iowa, who came up just 20 points short in a rough-and-tumble barnburner at Penn State. I'm no "doctorologist," but looking at the game tapes, the 2-4 Hawkeyes all have the dreaded mononucleosis. Note to the rest of football--think about that next time you're crying to the trainers about a sprained ankle!
The Red River Shootout is in the books, and what a game it was! Oklahoma was the belle of the ball, winning 28-21 in a game that literally could have gone either way. Sure, Oklahoma, you won by 7. But think about this--if one of your touchdowns had been scored for Texas instead, you'd have lost by seven points instead! It's a great way to approach both struggles and success in life.
- Hey, college football! Next time one of you scores a touchdown, your end zone celebration should be an imitation of the tire drill. Do it, and I'll mention you next week. As Socrates said, "quid pro quo!"
- I can't believe what happened in the Akron-Western Michigan game! The Broncos had Akron down by 14 and trapped on their own side of the field with just five minutes to go. You can probably guess what happened from there, but in case you can't, I'll tell you: Akron came back! The "MAC Daddies" threw a long pass, watched Western Michigan commit a safety with 15 seconds to go, then took the ensuing kick 89 yards to the house. Western Michigan coaches, take heed: The rule of football is to get the guy with the ball! Always has been, always will be.
- The Louisiana State University and A&M College (boy, that's a mouthful!) came back in the fourth quarter to defeat Florida 28-24. I'm not one to make rash predictions, but I wouldn't be surprised if LSUAMC (Earth to Board of Trustees-- Shorten the school name already!!!) stays in the Top 25 all year!
- This week's Ouch! Award goes to the Tulane-Army officials. It's hard to figure out which team to root for; both team's constituents have suffered terribly recently. Next time these guys play, officials, give them both a win! The nation could use it right now.
That's all the time I've got for this week! Be sure to come around later for more inside scoops from outdoor stadiums! Bob Bruce, signing out!