Big Ten Bloggers Roundtable: Answer Rodeo

We post questions.  People respond.  

  1.   You know what?  Screw your team.  I hate your team right now; I'm an Iowa fan, and I have anger in my heart.  Name your top conference rival, and assess their season to date.  If you haven't played them yet (and I don't think anyone has), how are you going to do when that fateful day comes?

Unquestionably the best part of the responses to question #1 was the Penn State responses, if only because Penn State is stuck with a contrived rivalry that nobody gives a shit about.  From Run Up the Score:

Who the hell is Penn State’s rival? Is this some sort of trick question? I’m not foolish enough to nudge into the Michigan and Ohio State rivalry. When Penn State joined the league back in the early 1990’s, the Big Ten, in its infinite wisdom, saw that Michigan State also had a little brother rivalry problem. Sure, they could get themselves all fired up for the Michigan game, but you can’t convince a Michigan fan to really give a damn about Sparty. So the conference paired up MSU and PSU with a protected rivalry game that never rotates off the schedule, fixed the game to be the finale on each team’s slate, and assigned to it the ugliest piece of shit trophy in the storied history of ugly piece of shit trophies. To this day, neither the Penn State or Michigan State program, nor any of their respective fans, give a flying crap about the other.

Also enjoyable were the (maybe premature) Michigan post-mortems from Ohio State bloggers.  For instance, from Around the Oval:

Heh, Michigan. Michigan, Michigan, Michigan: what has become of this season? We hardly need to discuss it: we all know about Michigan's first two games of the season. They seemed to right the ship a bit after that, crushing Notre Dame and beating Penn State and Northwestern. But everyone beats Notre Dame, and the latter two games provided more cause for concern, the football equivalent of the killer's body disappearing at the end of the horror movie. You'll take what you can get, let the credits roll, but you can be sure that it ain't over yet. The defense isn't living up to the billing, the offense is handcuffed by an offensive coordinator that may actually be an Ohio State plant (hope I didn't blow your cover, Agent DeBord), and these are not happy times in Ann Arbor. This makes me happy.

  2.  If your season to date was an album (or CD, for all you young hippety-hoppers), what would it be and why?

First off, an apology to Lake the Posts for accidentally stealing this question from last week (I didn't participate in last week's roundtable or read the questions, and LTP used a very similar question).

The best response came from The Buckeye Blog, though that might be due solely to the fact I love old R.E.M. ablums:

Fables of the Reconstruction - R.E.M.

At the beginning of the season, everyone was looking for this to be a "rebuilding" year for Ohio State. Buckeye fans claimed we were "reloaded." Regardless, this could be yet another season of which legends are made.

  3.  If you had three minutes alone in a locked room with any coach from your team and you could bring any item along (nothing sexual, tOSU fans), which coach would you choose, what would the item be, and why would you choose that item?

Loved the response from Paging Jim Shikenjanski, making his triumphant return to the Roundtable:

Tim Brewster and a muzzle. This way, I wouldn't have to chastize him every time he says something insane (think Gopher Nation, Pasadena and his personal grade of an A through a 1-4 start).

And kudos to Hoosier Report for embracing the violent underpinnings of this question (and for obsessing over a game from six years ago nobody else remembers):

I would pummel Cam Cameron upside the head with something for the 2001 NC State game, a nationally televised Thursday game, which featured an odd quarterback/wideout shuffle with Antwaan Randle El and Tommy Jones. It featured an on-air intervention by Lee Corso.

Also, from J Money at Boiled Sports:

I'd bring Brock Spack into a room along with any solid device to hit him in the beans with... hammer, bat, golf club, pogo stick... I don't care. He just deserves it, mainly for looking like a doofus and often coaching like one.

BONUS QUESTION

  4.  Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry.  In five days from now he's gonna marry.  He's hoping you can make it there if you can coz in the ceremony you'll be the best man.

Subquestion A:  Larry is obviously a loser.  He has so few friends, he has to ask his brother's best friend to be his best man.  What Big Ten team does he favor when not playing with Lord of the Rings figurines?

Most bloggers recognized this as the third and final verse of that Young MC classic, "Bust a Move."  Northwestern was the consensus answer for Larry's favorite team, and for good reason.

Subquestion B:  Five days from now is Saturday.  Your team is on the road.  Do you (A) stay home and watch the game; (B) road trip, or; (C) say "neato," check your libido, and roll to the church in your new tuxedo?

This really is the eternal question for a college football fan.  Boiled Sports managed to piss me off:

It probably depends on where the road game is. I've never been to Iowa City for a game...and since the Hawkeyes seem down, I might go so I could take in a road win.

You mean that road win last year?  That 47-17 Iowa win?  Or 2004 (23-21 Iowa)?  Or 2002 (31-28 Iowa)?  Or 1997 (35-17 Iowa)?  1993 (26-17 Iowa)?  Purdue hasn't won at Kinnick since 1992.  Fifteen years, fifteen years, got one of your kids, got you for fifteen years. (Of course, I'm just kidding, and if Boiled or any other Purdue fan wants to come to Iowa City, I'll buy them a big ass turkey leg.  And then bludgeon them over the head with it.)

Thanks to all who participated.  Peace I'm outta here.

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