These are my questions. They're the best ever.
1. Name your top conference rival, and assess their season to date. If you haven't played them yet (and I don't think anyone has), how are you going to do when that fateful day comes?
I'd like to say it's Wisconsin, but it's not. It's Minnesota. And Minny is atrocious beyond the scope of awfulness. They sit 1-4, with losses against such national powers as Bowling Green and FAU. They were one shanked field goal from finishing the first two weeks as the last-place team in the MAC. Their stadium is half-full at best, and the few Gopher football supporters left on the planet are already getting after Brewster. Plus, their new uniforms are horrible:
No heart, gold pants
I don't see any reason why we can't run it up on Minnesota. Then again, I didn't see why we couldn't against Iowa State or Indiana, either. If the offense pulls its head out of its ass by November, this should be a cakewalk.
2. If your season to date was an album (or CD, for all you young hippety-hoppers), what would it be and why?
"Jacksonville City Nights" by Ryan Adams. The first couple of songs are great. The rest is shit. And the artist made a couple of great records a few years ago, but has recently sucked balls.
3. If you had three minutes alone in a locked room with any coach from your team and you could bring any item along (nothing sexual, tOSU fans), which coach would you choose, what would the item be, and why would you choose that item?
Me. Ken O'Keefe. No item. Bare knuckles. And I would give KOK the first shot. The results would go a little something like this:
You don't know where I've been, Kenny. You don't know where I've been!
4. Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry. In five days from now he's gonna marry. He's hoping you can make it there if you can coz in the ceremony you'll be the best man.
I put this up because I'm going to a wedding this weekend. Yeah, I know.
Subquestion A: Larry is obviously a loser. He has so few friends, he has to ask his brother's best friend to be his best man. What Big Ten team does he favor when not playing with Lord of the Rings figurines?
Yep, it's Northwestern. Can't you just see their students taking an undue amount of pleasure from talking like 80's robots?
Subquestion B: Five days from now is Saturday. Your team is on the road. Do you (A) stay home and watch the game; (B) road trip, or; (C) say "neato," check your libido, and roll to the church in your new tuxedo?
So you start thinkin', then you start blinkin'
A bride maid looks and thinks that you're winkin
She thinks you're kinda cute so she winks back
And now you're feelin' really fine coz the girl is stacked
Reception's jumpin', bass is pumpin'
Look at the girl and your heart starts thumpin'
Says she wants to dance to a different groove
Now you know what to do G, bust a move