Jake Christensen lights up Purdue defense for 366 yards and 5 TD's on his PS2

IOWA CITY, IA--Iowa QB Jake Christensen enjoyed a career day Tuesday night, shredding an outmanned Purdue defense en route to a 39-3 Hawkeye victory. The 36-point loss was Purdue's worst at Ross-Ade stadium since "probably like forever," the Iowa quarterback said afterward.

"Yeah, I thought Purdue got pretty lucky last weekend," Christensen said of his real-life performance on the prior Saturday. "I wanted to see what would happen if we got another shot at them, and this was pretty much dead-on."

The winning quarterback/coach

The contest was never in doubt, with Christensen tossing 80-yard bombs to receivers Trey Stross and Dominique Douglas in the first quarter, both on the first play of their respective drives.

"Ace-Normal, PA Counter, circle button, easy six. It's simple. I don't know why we don't run that play like 10 times a game," Christensen said. Indeed, the play-action pass seemed to catch the Boilermaker secondary off-guard repeatedly, despite senior tailback and "impact player" Albert Young carrying the ball only three times during the course of the game.

After the two early touchdowns, Iowa put the game out of reach with a safety on three straight Brian Mattison sacks, part of an 11-sack game. Christensen noted the record-breaking performance was "huge."

The already somber mood at Ross-Ade turned sour in the second half, when Christensen capped two late touchdowns with two-point conversions, despite Iowa's prohibitively large lead.

"It's awesome," Christensen said of the booing. "If you go for two, then the crowd gets all [ticked], and Herbstreit and Corso are always like, 'that's totally classless' and 'this coach should cut it out,' but I still go for two anyway. I gotta show those [maternal fornicators] who we are."

While some were quick to point out that the game settings were on "Varsity," Christensen dismissed the criticism.

"I tried it on All-America, and it was [unrealistic], they kept picking me off and I couldn't really get the PA Counter game going no matter how many times I threw it. I'm really the leader of the team, so I made some adjustments by hitting the reset button, then I got us the win. I guess it's all part of being the QB."

Critics also noted that Christensen was aided by four extra wide receivers and standout TE Tony Moeaki, all of whom were unable to play against the real Purdue last weekend. When asked if he'd be willing to play the game without the absent receiving corps, Christensen laughed derisively and said he would do so only if he "felt like getting [his posterior] kicked."

Christensen then excused himself to take on the Iowa State Cyclones before bed, noting that the Big XII team was "a bunch of [wussies] that [he] can beat by 50 all the time."