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When Bloodpunch Asks For An Apology, Bloodpunch Gets A Damn Apology
by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 9, 2010 3:11 PM CST
in Basketball
3 comments
Well, well. WHO takes a cheap shot at my coach's boy. I ask for an apology. What do those ratdicked assweasels do? Stand by their beliefs. Well, that's just interesting, because I'm standing by "Barta's Buddies." They're hundreds of brown recluse spiders and they've been treated with a chemical that sends them into a blind rage. I don't know what the hell the chemical is, just that Brent Metcalf sweats it. Anyway, whenever I happen to be commiserating with them, I have a four-step plan for success. Wanna hear? I don't give a shit if you want to hear.
Step 1: Wait until the poor bastard who crossed me gets into his car. The car's going to have a sunroof, because I'm not dumb enough to get in fights with poor people.
Step 2: Get two of my interns to block him in by crashing into the sides of his car. Sure, this isn't safe at all for them, but here's the thing about Iowa--there are like tens of thousands of people I can force to be my intern.
Step 3: Break open the sunroof and treat Barta's Buddies to a nice meal.
Step 4: Smile, smile, smile.
And then it's back to being a good day.
I don't much care for going through all that trouble, though; all these bastards have to do is recognize that it's hands off my coaches' families. For everyone but me, that is. Nikolai Krylenko--hell of a guy, really--once said "we must execute not only the guilty; execution of the innocent will impress the masses even more." And while I don't go around killing women and children indiscriminately, I sure as hell will hold a gun to a toddler's head if I have to make a point. That's my power, not the media's power. And fuck 'em if they think otherwise.
But I look out for my athletes. I put them in position to win. You know how I do that? A's For Dunks. Yep, every time one of our guys throws one down, one class grade gets changed to an A, usually against their teachers' will. They get double that if they swing their nuts into someone's eye.
Of course, basketball fans might have noticed that doesn't happen very often. So I'm off to reconcile that very problem. I don't feel like bringing Barta's buddy for this, though; it's best if Senator Sock-Full-Of-Quarters does the negotiating today. He's a little more reasonable.
3 comments | 0 recs |
Which opposing defensive lineman gave you the toughest head-to-head matchup during your career?
Everson Griffen was good, Brandon Graham was better, but this year Adrian Clayborn was by far the toughest head-to-head matchup. Next year he will be this year’s Suh.
OSU tackle Jim Cordle, as quoted by ElevenWarriors.com. Little known fact: "Adrian" is French for "House of Spears."
Someone On The Hawkeyes Can Actually Dunk. We Now Have Proof
by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 8, 2010 5:05 PM CST
in Basketball
38 comments
That's Eric May, whose dunk wasn't exactly "thunderous"--sorry, but the NBA has spoiled us--but was still the most immediately obvious display of above-average athleticism on the team yesterday. For a squad that has essentially played the last three seasons below the rim, having someone who can make these plays and isn't automatically overwhelmed by an Evan Turner type of player is a large bonus.
Dochterman asked Todd Lickliter about this, and, well... let's say the lazier stereotypes about Lickliter as a system coach aren't likely to be debunked. Blocked shots, Mr. Lickliter. Good? Yes?
May has 23 blocked shots, more than half of Iowa’s total number. Yet it’s not an encouraged trait by Iowa Coach Todd Lickliter.
"I’m not a huge proponent of blocking shots," Lickliter said. "I think it takes you out of position.
Okay, before you get out your torches and pitchforks--do people use torches and pitchforks anymore? Shouldn't it be, like, gas cans and tire irons? We digress--that quote is selectively edited; here's what Lickliter continued to say:
"You’ve got to have a talent for it, a special knack for it. But the thing about Eric is he’s shown he does have that.
"There’s times when he takes himself out of position, but there’s also some times when he makes some great plays on the ball. He’s a guy I’m more inclined to say, ‘Balance this out, Eric. I want you to take charges, I want you to stay in position.’ But I’m not going to discourage him for attempting to block because we’ve seen some really great plays on the ball."
Okay, not so bad. What's more impressive is that they're strictly a function of May's athleticism; as Lickliter also points out, this is May's first season in the Big Ten, and he's got lots of mistakes to correct and cues to pick up on. That's not a knock on May's IQ--basketball or otherwise--it's just the reality of the situation whenever you've got a true freshman not named John Wall or Carmelo Anthony trying to play 30+ minutes a game.
On that note, we're delighted that May is starting and playing lion's share minutes; that means those minutes aren't going to Devan Bawinkel, who tends to vacillate between being a one-trick pony and a zero-trick pony. And doesn't that make Lickliter's decision to give Bawinkel a captaincy over Matt Gatens all the more inexplicable?
Oh well. That'll be little more than an odd footnote as the years go by. In the meantime, assuming May improves from year to year*. For now, we begin the campaign to install May as the Big Ten freshman of the year. Eric M. is President. Make 'em clap to this.
*That's not a stone-cold lock, mind you; I wouldn't say Bawinkel, Cole, or Gatens have been any better this season than they were last year. Of course, if we wrote "this is the best we're ever going to get out of May!", this blog wouldn't be very enjoyable to read at all.
38 comments | 0 recs |
The Aughts in Review: A Few Words About Poisonous Nuts From Ohio
by RossWB on Feb 8, 2010 12:46 PM CST
in Football
48 comments
Continuing our look back at the decade that was in Iowa football, celebrating the highs and the lows -- and, hopefully, distracting us from the ongoing disaster that is Iowa basketball. This series looks back at Iowa's results across the entire decade against every Big Ten foe, as well as Iowa State. According to the alphabet, next up are those charming and humble scamps from Ohio State.
The pre-game atmosphere? Great.. The game? Not so much.
OHIO STATE BUCKEYES
Iowa vs. Ohio State in the 00s: 1-5
WINS
2004: Iowa 33, Ohio State 7
LOSSES
2000: Ohio State 38, Iowa 10
2003: Ohio State 19, Iowa 10
2005: Ohio State 31, Iowa 6
2006: Ohio State 38, Iowa 17
2009: Ohio State 27, Iowa 24 (OT)
Remember how awesome Jonathan Babineaux was? Pretty sure Justin Zwick still does.
BEST WIN: Iowa 33, Ohio State 7
Well, this is a pretty obvious choice, no? The 00s were not very good to Iowa in the Iowa-Ohio State rivalry... which means they were really no different than the 90s, the 80s, the 70s... well, you get the picture. The last time Iowa won more than two games against Ohio State in a decade? The 50s, when they beat the Buckeyes three times. Unfortunately, no Iowa coach since Evy has been able to solve the Buckeye problem, not even Hayden or (so far) Ferentz. Still, for one game Ferentz managed to not just beat the Buckeyes, but give them one hell of an ass-beating. Indeed, it was a historic whupping -- it was Ohio State's biggest defeat at the hands of a Big Ten opponent in the Aughts... by far. Buckeye partisans are quick to point to the fact that the '04 outfit was Senator Sweatervest's worst team, a team transitioning from the '02-'03 glory days to the '05-'07 return to glory, and that's true. They were an 8-4 outfit: solid, but far from spectacular. Still, the margin of defeat makes it clear that this was no ordinary defeat -- this was a complete dismantling, the likes of which Ohio State rarely sees (at least on the receiving end), and almost never from a fellow Big Ten team.
For Iowa, the win was pure catharsis. Not only was it Iowa's first win over Ohio State since 1991, it was the first win against OSU in Kinnick Stadium since 1983. That was, um, a long time ago. After a span of time that long, any win would have been a source of massive celebration... but a win like this was the most ecstatic cathartic release imaginable. Imagine year after year of bullying, and then finally getting a chance one afternoon to turn the tables on that bully and deliver the sort of beating that you'd been receiving for so long. That would feel pretty damn good, no? And it did. Oh, how it did. The defense completely shut down the OSU offense (the only points they got came against Iowa's second-stringers) and Drew Tate and the Iowa offense had a field day: 448 yards of offense, a significant edge in time of possession, a 3-to-1 edge in turnovers, a monster game from Tate (26/39, 331 yards, 3 TD, 0 INT, and a rushing TD thrown in for kicks)... shit, even the Sam Brownlee-led running game managed to go for 100+. That was a good day. My enduring memory of that game is Drew Tate sprinting down the field, arms windmilling like crazy, after hitting Clinton Solomon for a 36-yard touchdown to put Iowa up 24-0 in the third quarter. The only place I could find that image recorded for posterity was in Scothawk's video tribute (ignore the Kid Rock tune and the very pixel-y video quality, sorry).
48 comments | 0 recs |
68-58: Progress?
by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 8, 2010 1:47 AM CST
in Basketball
57 comments
Oh, like this recap was going to come before the Super Bowl. Bitch, please.
It's not a bright, shining day in Iowa City. Mainly because I'm writing this about midnight, but we're speaking in metaphors here. Ohio State dispatched the Hawkeyes, 68-58; we're still not sure how to feel about it.
On one hand, today's game could be construed as a demoralizer. The Hawkeyes were bereft of opportunities to win a game in which their opponents didn't really play very well. They had absolutely no answer for Evan Turner, and Ohio State had a demonstrably superior level of talent up and down the roster. If these two teams played 10 times, we're saying 9-10 wins for OSU.
On the other hand, there were probably lots of things Lickliter wanted the team to accomplish at which that they succeeded. They got Dallas Lauderdale in foul trouble. They didn't give OSU very many open jumpers. They shot 3s at a 40% rate. They gave the Buckeyes a 40-minute game.
And yet they still lost by 10.
So what is there to go on? Do we focus on Eric May (16 points, 4-7 3s, one steal, two dunks) continuing to assert himself as the most mansome player on the team? Do we continue to highlight Cully Payne's inconsistencies at the point (11 points on nine shots; six ghastly turnovers)? Are we more horrified at the thought that Jarryd Cole still has another year at Iowa, or at the notion of how worse off Iowa would be if he transferred*? What's to be made of Matt Gatens, who might be slowly morphing into Jake Christensen on account of having to minimize mistakes on a bad offense? And where (and when) does Anthony Tucker fit back into all of this?
57 comments | 0 recs |
Wave of Mutilation: #1 Iowa Wrestling Takes Down Utah Valley, 38-0
by RossWB on Feb 7, 2010 3:00 PM CST
in Wrestling
3 comments
The red of the singlets really does a nice job of hiding the blood from the ass-kicking.
Described as "The New York Yankees of college wrestling" by The Salt Lake Tribune on Friday, the #1-ranked Iowa wrestling team lived up to the dominance of that moniker by steamrolling the Utah Valley Wolverines, 38-0. It was a slightly odd detour for Iowa, which is in the midst of the conference dual season, but as Friday's post suggested (and the aforementioned SLT story confirmed) this trip was a big "thank you" to Iowa's Rocky Mountain area wrestling contingent. The meet took place in Vernal, UT, Phillip Keddy's hometown, but was also relatively close to Luke and Ethen Lofthouse (from Avon, UT) and Dan Erekson (from Eagle, ID). Kudos to Tom Brands and the Iowa athletic department for making this happen; the family and friends of these wrestlers certainly appreciated being able to see them wrestle without having to make a grueling trip to Iowa City.
As for the meet itself.. I'll just do a quick and dirty overview, since BHGP commenter shada's revenge has a more thorough recap in his FanPost. The Hawks won big again, scoring their second straight shutout of the season (and seventh shutout overall, extending their school record), but Utah Valley proved to be a scrappy bunch. They knocked off #8 Boise State on Friday night and while the final score doesn't indicate it, they did make Iowa work for the win, especially at some of the lower weights.
125: #4 Matt McDonough dec. #12 Ben Kjar, 7-4 (Iowa 3-0)
133: #3 Dan Dennis dec. Clint Ray, 6-5 (Iowa 6-0)
141: #7 Montell Marion maj dec. Jeff Newby, 20-7 (Iowa 10-0)
149: #1 Brent Metcalf PIN Justin Morrill, 1:43 (Iowa 16-0)
157: Jake Kerr maj dec. Clay Frost, 12-4 (Iowa 20-0)
165: #4 Ryan Morningstar dec. Jeb Clark, 3-1 (Iowa 23-0)
174: #2 Jay Borschel dec. Brad Darrington, 8-2 (Iowa 26-0)
184: #12 Phil Keddy dec. Casen Eldredge, 9-3 (Iowa 29-0)
197: Luke Lofthouse dec. Josh Wood, 12-5 (Iowa 32-0)
Hwt: #10 Dan Erekson wins by forfeit (Iowa 38-0)
3 comments | 0 recs |
WE'RE TALKIN' BASKETBALL: In Which A Routine Exercise Immediately Turns Into Excruciating Pain
by Oops Pow Surprise on Feb 7, 2010 10:00 AM CST
in Basketball
234 comments
Doodley-doo, we're just plugging along on our season, losing games by not as much as the first time we played them, hoping Anthony Tucker doesn't throw John Lickliter into a wood chipper out of frustration/boredom. And along comes Ohio State, and say Buckeyes, won't you just go ahead and beat us by 12 so we can be on our way? Excellent, so we'll just WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING EVAN TURNER CAT OH SH
This could be "monitor to the face" bad. Further, Anthony Tucker's traveling with the team, but there's no word on his reinstatement. Do you have any idea how awful he'll be if he's let back on right now? We could be looking at a 2-17 performance. God help us one and all.
So here's this game, the unequivocal highlight of your Sunday, and... what's that? Super what? Never heard of it. Iowa-OSU. That's what's super.
Play by the rules--as you always do--and let's do this.
234 comments | 0 recs |
A Whopper of a Game in the D-League
I went to a D-League game tonight. As a Ridiculous Upside reader reports, a massive Burger King fixation broke out. No, really. Players got booed over awful hamburgers and everything.
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